After doing a cost benefit analysis of every person (or group of people) that I interact with on the regular basis.
I sent a note of appreciation to all my friendship soul mates (it made them smile) and then I had to figure out what I was going to do with anyone who fell in the “happiness vampire” category. Although it’s a Friday Four day, I’ll share these three options:
Fix – If you’ve done your cost benefit analysis and decide that the relationship is worth saving, have an honest conversation with the person in question and bring your non-negotiables to the table. What would it take to turn the relationship around? From this point forward, what behaviors are non-negotiable?
Switch – Maybe there is someone in your life who doesn’t need to be fired but definitely needs to be demoted. Maybe they move from best friend status to loving acquaintance. If the relationship as it stands today isn’t sustainable but you’re not ready to cut all ties, maybe a status shift is in order.
Fire – Chances are, once you’ve taken a good hard look at all of the folks you regularly interact with, you will come across a couple of lost causes. Fire them. (If you shudder at the thought, repeat after me: Your birth certificate is not a binding contract, neither is years already invested, or fear of what people will think.)
The key to firing someone and not feeling like (or acting like) a heartless jerk is to forgive them first. Forgive your mother for drinking too much. Forgive your father for never saying he loves you. Forgive your abusive partner, your overly competitive siblings, and the friend who stabbed you in the back. (ouch!)
Forgive them not because they deserve it but because you do. Fire them not necessarily because of who they are but because of who you are and who you want to be and because you’ve finally realized that those two things cannot go hand in hand. The lessons you teach your children will be worth it!
“It happens to everyone as they grow up. You find out who you are and what you want, and then you realize that people you’ve known forever don’t see things the way you do. So you keep the wonderful memories, but find yourself moving on.” -QC SuperMom