As a Stay At Home Mom, I must acknowledge and address both the perks and pitfalls of managing, a large family with limited income. 99.6 % of the time I am content. My motto is “Mess with me, you might get by with an eye roll. Mess with my children, and you better run”. (My husband can take care of himself. He’s a tough guy.) TODAY I sat in that .40% and I did’t know why.
Everything on the surface appeared fine. The children had no complaints. I even called my son in college to listen to his voice and to see if I could pick up on any cues, he too sound great. So yes, I was grateful to mentally clear that off my mind.
Yet something was not right. Maybe I’m over processing something or maybe God is trying to direct me to a new place or possibly stopping me from making a big mistake, I thought. Have you ever felt unsettled in your spirit?
I do have a lot going on these days. ( 9 children, a crazy veteran husband, I’m still breastfeeding our youngest, SAHM group organizer, tutor, community activator, AND blogger) Needless to say our days often feel like an insane whirlwind of needs, requests, deadlines and never-ending demands, but I honestly love it all. Crazy right?
So, I tiptoed into my bedroom closet for a few minutes. I walked out to a revelation. I hated that I didn’t notice it before, as it’s been repressed for a while. I ignored my hair breaking off, chalking it up to the harsh cold weather. I also ignored my jumping eye lid, crediting my lack of sleep for that. BUT when I started getting nervous for no reason. I had to hit the breaks and put myself first.
My financial insecurities, and concern that the world is more perilous for kid raising than when I grew up.
Before I got married. I worked three jobs. Two in hospitality and one in appointment setting. I LOVED making my own money. Being able to make purchases without permission, consent or validation was the life.Not that I was wasteful, because I wasn’t but it is a level of empowerment. Yes, when I got married he & I became 1. But I lost that power, I need it back. My husband will never understand it. It’s nothing like having your own, and bringing it to the family table.
When I was young, we had more hope. I like to think that I’m raising amazing children and equipping them for today’s challenges. If it wasn’t for my moms group and my Kwanzaa family, I would think that I live on a island. These children today will choose short cuts every time. The value of life, inner pride, zest for the future, moral codes are diminished. It’s saddening.
Well, after a good cup of tea, a stress busting video, and a silent peek at my beautiful children (sleeping face I think everything will work itself out as it should.In the meantime, I have to come up with some strategies that will work with my time and generate real income…… then tease my husband by buying the girls new earrings. (yes, that would drive him nutty! 🙂 )
I’m thinking about AVON. I love their new line. With my large family, and the new product line, earnings seems quite promising. We’ll at least till something better comes along.See, it’s looking better already. Putting myself self first hasn’t wavered my goal of keeping my children a priority.
Staying In My Zone~QC Supermom