Friday Four: I love my children, but…

I tell ya, parenting isn’t what I thought it was gonna be. Do I work and be neglectful* to pursue my own selfish aspirations? Or day in and day out change diapers, home school, cook gmo free for picky palates, have bed time wars? Kids fight, they ask for your last dollar, they grow up & have a mind of their own. They get loads of tattoos.The list goes on and on. Call it a growing trend or extended postpartum, here’s what other moms share:

I take her to concerts and theaters, stay up nights when she’s sick, got her into good school, enrichment activities, teach her to read, write, cook, clean…I smile, and I hug and kiss, and tell her I love her – it’s never sincere!

Every day-week-month just deeper and deeper into faking, lying, swallowing my real emotions…getting stomach cramps and migraines from all this faking, but it’s still 13 more years, until she’s at least 18, and I can retire from this crap. Wish someone warned me before I had a kid

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I lost it tonight after dressing my child for the 4th time after she’s made herself naked, tripped over about 15 toys I had just picked up and got hit in the face with something she threw and said “weeeee” (it accidentally hit me). Oh and the dressing thing is the worst, “me do it”….ok you do it…I try to help her a couple times then after being pushed away and scolded “me do it” for the 10th time, I walk away… She screams “no mommy do it!!!” Ugh!!! What part of this is enjoyable? I know women spend lots of money to get pregnant but ladies, this is not fun! I hate play dates and not to mention, other people’s kids! I don’t even like kids!! I just had to get that out because I’m totally losing who I am and who I was. I lost my sexiness, playfulness and being calm. I’m a tightly wound, frumpy, angry person! Can anyone relate?? Or am alone? Before anyone says I need therapy or antidepressants, I’m only like this when I’m with my child. When I go to work, out with friends or just my hubby, I’m alive again!!! But obviously that’s not life anymore and that makes me sad 😦

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I am a sahm and I really don’t like it. I count the days until my kids go back to school. My kids are under 10 and fight all the time. It really puts a burden on my marriage. I should be thankful that my husband provides for us and makes enough money for me to be able to stay home, but I would rather work outside of the house.”

My mother never took more than a single hour or two for herself out of an entire week. She was run ragged, stressed to the max.  I wish I could go back in time and tell my mother, how special she is; that she needs to take care of herself.” If you are getting overwhelmed, try one of these four tips:

1.If you can’t wait till they get older, go on a get a job. Make sure it’s a good one with benefits, and then you file for child support (if you need it) to help you support your child. When you want to go out and enjoy your life, you find a babysitter, do you know why? Because that is what adults do.

2. Give the baby up for adoption.There are some people who do not need to have children  or been on the pill and made your man use a condom. There are so many women dying to have children and can’t have children of their own, that would gladly give up their life for that baby.

3. Remember that they are not babies forever. In a few years you will have someone that can do a lot of the work all by himself. Just get to that point, ok. It goes by a lot quicker than you think. It is really important to start training your kids to be independent and self sufficient, and instead of you resolving their disputes force them to do so before they get 5. Hurry now!

4. Find support. All moms need time outs! May it be with a great book, a friend at the movies, my group of QCSAHM,(great women that supported each other.)

I think many people underestimate how difficult being a parent can be, and they also overestimate how rewarding the experience of raising a child will be. Perhaps if we didn’t set unrealistic expectations about these parts of our lives, and if we felt free to talk about negative experiences as well as positive, we could enjoy all of them more.

As my children grow into adulthood, I have to be ready for them to tell me how I may have hurt them. I need to be open enough to learn about who I am through their eyes. As they mature I must as well. Just as I demand their respect, I also need to show it. And part of that is taking their understanding of me seriously. To be flexible enough to face the truth of my impact on them, and realize that maybe at times I need to reexamine my mothering. But not because I feel insecure about some trend in parenting I think I should be implementing — but because of real life moments. I know there are flaws in my mothering, of course there are, but I can’t fear or deny them. I don’t have the ridiculous expectation of doing everything right. My only goal is to raise a few people I want to be friends with for the rest of my life, and who feels the same about me.

 I feel for moms in a situation like this. I just hope those moms get help as soon as they can. 

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