The Blue SAHM

“Snap Out of It” they say, “Find something to do”, “Can’t you see how lucky you are?  You have a beautiful baby!  You should be grateful.”I’ve even heard, Is that what you went to  college to be? ” and “Go bake a cake.”ooh, and let’s not forget…. “Get a job, a real one if you’re not happy.”

SAHM's Rock!

SAHM’s Rock!

My sweet lord! Why do moms have to go so far to justify their choices and feelings? We all have different circumstances and reasons for choosing to be a stay at home mom. I had no idea which would be best for my kids,but I knew that I had to do what was in the best interest for our family. Motherhood is tough enough, being a sahm is no picnic. At times it may even seem like a competitive sport. Who needs another stick! Don’t let it beat YOU! Here’s my rules for sticking it to the oppressors:

I felt stuck–like I was falling deeper into a hole I’d never be able to escape.

1st Rule – Don’t cause yourself trouble. You can’t turn on a facet and get mad when the sink fill up.

2nd- Even after a thunderstorm, the rain stops and there’s a rainbow. Never see your situation as permanent.

3rd- Make it ok. Find free and affordable tehun did thatcommunity based events, groups that fit you and time for yourself. Ultimately it’s you that’s going to make it ok. Not hubby, grandma, or baby sitter – just you.

4th- Walk away.  It’s ok to do it. Make sure the child is safe and go. (Come back though)

5th- Guard your heart. People say hurtful things with out thinking. detach and dissolve if you must. most times you’ll just need to let them know that you aren’t crazy and to back off.  It will be harder if you are the baby of the family as I am, but they’ll get the picture when you stop responding.

6th- Give it ambition- If you are going to be home with the children, be there! Create incredible children on purpose. Pull your hair in a ponytail and go out. You and the children will love it. If the house isn’t impeccable, who cares? You and the kids can make a game out of cleaning it once you return.

‘I use all my skills and intelligence – negotiation, patience, problem-solving, creativity – to bring up the children’

When you read the lists below, keep in mind postpartum depression and anxiety are sometimes “comorbid.”  This means you can have a bit of both, or all of both.  If you have symptoms on both lists, that’s not out of the ordinary.

Some days do suck! I would  not lie and say different. But there are more good ones than bad! And when I get old, I have 8 helpers to take care of me. :)

Some days do suck! I would not lie and say different. But there are more good ones than bad! And when I get old, I have 8 helpers to take care of me. 🙂

Okay.  Here we go. You may have postpartum depression if you have had a baby within the last 12 months and are experiencing some of these symptoms:

  • You feel overwhelmed.  Not like “hey, this new mom thing is hard.”  More like “I can’t do this and I’m never going to be able to do this.”  You feel like you just can’t handle being a mother.  In fact, you may be wondering whether you should have become a mother in the first place.
  • You don’t feel bonded to your baby.
  • You can’t understand why this is happening.  You are very confused and scared.
  • You feel irritated or angry. You have no patience. Everything annoys you.  You feel resentment toward your baby, or your partner, or your friends who don’t have babies. You feel out-of-control rage.
  • You feel nothing. Emptiness and numbness. You are just going through the motions.
  • You feel sadness to the depths of your soul. You can’t stop crying, even when there’s no real reason to be crying.
  • You feel hopeless, like this situation will never ever get better. You feel weak and defective, like a failure.
  • You can’t bring yourself to eat, or perhaps the only thing that makes you feel better is eating.
  • You can’t concentrate. You can’t focus. You can’t think of the words you want to say. You can’t remember what you were supposed to do. You can’t make a decision. You feel like you’re in a fog.
  • You feel disconnected. You feel strangely apart from everyone for some reason, like there’s an invisible wall between you and the rest of the world.
  • You feel like you should be able to snap out of it, but you can’t.
  • You might be having thoughts of running away and leaving your family behind. Or you’ve thought of driving off the road, or taking too many pills, or finding some other way to end this misery.
  • You know something is wrong. You may not know you have a perinatal mood or anxiety disorder, but you know the way you are feeling is NOT right. You think you’ve “gone crazy”.
  • You are afraid that this is your new reality and that you’ve lost the “old you” forever.
  • You are afraid that if you reach out for help people will judge you. Or that your baby will be taken away.

You may have postpartum anxiety or postpartum OCD if you have had a baby within the last 12 months and are experiencing some of these symptoms:

  • Your thoughts are racing. You can’t quiet your mind. You can’t settle down. You can’t relax.
  • You feel like you have to be doing something at all times. Cleaning bottles. Cleaning baby clothes. Cleaning the house. Doing work. Entertaining the baby. Checking on the baby.
  • You are worried. Really worried.  All. The. Time.  Am I doing this right?  Will my husband come home from his trip?  Will the baby wake up? Is the baby eating enough? Is there something wrong with my baby that I’m missing? No matter what anyone says to reassure you it doesn’t help.
  • You may be having scary thoughts. Ones that you’ve never had before.  They fly into your head unwanted and you know they aren’t right, that this isn’t the real you, but they terrify you and they won’t go away.  These thoughts may start with the words “What if …”
  • You are afraid to be alone with your baby because of scary thoughts or worries.  You are also afraid of things in your house that could potentially cause harm, like kitchen knives or stairs, and you avoid them like the plague.
  • You may feel the need to check things constantly. Did I lock the door?
  • You may be having physical symptoms like stomach cramps or headaches, shakiness or nausea.  You might even have panic attacks.
  • You feel like a captive animal, pacing back and forth in a cage. Restless.  On edge.
  • You’re having trouble sleeping.  You are so, so tired, but you can’t sleep.
  • You are afraid that this is your new reality and that you’ve lost the “old you” forever.
  • You are afraid that if you reach out for help people will judge you.  Or that your baby will be taken away.

And then there’s the sahm that have toddlers (or older) and is simply frustrated. This video is for you.

Now that you’ve gone through these lists are you thinking “How the heck does this lady know me? Is there a hidden camera in here?”  Nope.  What this should tell you is that you are not alone and you are not a freak and you are not highly unusual.  If you are having these feelings and symptoms then it is possible you are experiencing common illnesses that 15 to 20% of new mothers have, and they are completely normal..

Come hang out with me and Queen City Stay At Home Moms. We’re here to support you!

 One mom chose prozac: She she shared: My doctor listened to me carefully, asked some pointed questions about my sleeping, eating, and moods before pointing out the obvious: depression doesn’t always look like my narrow imagination assumed. It isn’t always being unable to get out of bed; it can be getting out of bed muttering obscenities before the day has even begun. It can be clenched teeth and yelling too quickly and tearful apologies. My depression rendered me a very unhappy SAHM. My doctor said: “When other coping strategies aren’t working, it’s time to call in the big guns. Your family deserves it. You deserve it.” Jenna Marshal from Babble

 

Frequently Asked Questions About Postpartum Depression & Related Illnesses

Signs of perinatal mood and anxiety disorders

 I’ll stick with my green tea and Queen City Stay At Home Moms as I enthusiastically applaud ANY woman who knows what she wants, knows what will make her happy/be the best mom she can be, and goes for it. Let’s get on a new wave of feminism and be happy for everyone’s individual choice.

 

Enjoy motherhood now,

QC Supermom

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2 thoughts on “The Blue SAHM

  1. Way to go Momma! I am a SAHM as well and love it more than anything! There are definitely some rough moments though. Funny how a simple kiss or sweet smile from your child makes it all worth it though. 🙂

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