I don’t ever recall a time that I suffered from severe depression, but I have known the isolation of being a stay at home mom with no close neighbors, friends, or family. So when I read my friends post this morning, I had absolutely nothing to say beside, I love you and I am here for you. She is a member of my stay at home moms group and we just recently began karaoke night at a local “bar” just to get out and do something out of the box for us moms.So it was indeed a surprise to see that she was so depressed.
As I read what others shared, I had no clue that so many sahm felt the same way. I share most of it here.
~You said what I think needed to be said. Robin’s fight with depression highlighted emotions that I have been hiding and battling, too. Tracy, your post hits the nail on the head: we all are hiding it and trying to keep everyone else happy while we are hurting. Thank you for writing this.
~Another mom friend- Well put. I too hide in my darker times because it’s hard to deal enough, I don’t need any extra. I love you and I’m here if you need
-Another mom friend – My help comes from God and His great love for me. You can’t drift too far from his care.
~Another mom friend – I completely understand what you mean. I feel so hypocritical sometimes when I say “I’m fine”
~Another mom friend- This is not the first post I’ve seen to this effect. I’m glad Williams’ death has given those who wouldn’t ordinarily speak up a platform. Also, it was brave of you to share, so thank you.
FROM: “Mrs Mom Friend”- I want to follow on from my post about the need for understanding depression and pain that so many go through at any given time. It has lost a bit of its stigma- you likely know at least a few friends who have been to counseling or who have needed anti-depressants. What nearly none of its know is that people we care about or see each day could be struggling without us even knowing.
We could even be close, but because no one wants to be the downer (especially if they have felt like one in the past), we could literally be standing 2 feet apart, both needing someone, anyone to connect and what is keeping us from giving hope to each other with even just a few words or a hug is only fear.
I do not hide the fact that I have had major issues with depression since I was 13 that continue to this day. What I usually do hide is just how bad it could and did get, for months and even years. How many times can you feel like you can reach out and still have anyone want to speak to you?
So as not to be a hypocrite when I say please let someone know when you are struggling, I am struggling. Some days are better than others. This is certainly not the darkest things have ever been by any stretch, but I have hidden how difficult it has been to be nearly always alone with my daughter whom I love dearly. Everyone around me is busy. Of course they are. The world is busy. Yet, I feel alone and like I can’t talk about it or anything else, feel like I can’t ask for friendship connection without being horribly selfish or annoying or bothersome or that obligatory person they’d rather sidestep but are too polite to say so, so I withdraw. I withdraw and am afraid to ask for anything anymore, and most of the time I can deal with that but sometimes it hurts like a bitch and that raw space opens right back up.
I’m fighting myself on posting this. There is what will people think and the fear of responses and the bigger fear of no response. However, I would like the world to be a little brighter and a little less lonely and worrying for all of us, and we can’t hold our hands out to each other if we can’t be just honest enough to say, “Hey, it’s kinda hard right now. You there?”
On the other side, I’d personally like to help you hang in there a bit easier even if it was just a bad day, or even if it’s something you can’t shake from 40 years of living. We weren’t made to be isolated creatures. We were meant to connect and care.
Is this a totally weird freaking post? Are you eye-rolling out there? Probably, but even in my clumsy, disorganized rambling, I thought it was important to say, even if only to one person who needs to hear. —— “Mrs Mom Friend”
I did some research and learned that “People in a depressed mood often do not have the energy to look for help,” Maidenberg explains. “They may have the idea but not the energy to find help.”
It’s important for people to recognize that most depressed people don’t end up killing themselves. “Longitudinal cohort studies have shown that less than 10 percent of people with clinical depression die as a result of suicide,” Crosby says. “That means that 90 percent die from something else.”
But if your loved one is resistant to getting help, “you need to firmly, but gently, remind the person that as bad as it may feel at a given time, depression tends to pass. Suicidal thoughts always pass. They may return, but you have to have the courage to wait till they go away.”
In closing, I love my friend,and don’t want to loose her to this disorder. She’s an incredible mom and enjoy going to karaoke with her. It’s the only thing I can offer her beside our common stay at home moms group activities. Any other tips beside these?
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CALL the hotline -1-800-273-TALK (8255)