Friday Four: Keep your hands to yourself John

Edited version: Since the story is so fresh, it makes sense to respect the victims family/loved ones request for space, peace and time to mourn a great loss. 

July 6, 2012 he's sooo much more then the father of my daughter , he's more like my best friend , my comforter , my rod and my other half . regardless of what life throws at us , the bond that we share is unbreakable , i love my boyfriend and without a doubt i know he loves me backkk !!

July 6, 2012
he’s sooo much more then the father of my daughter , he’s more like my best friend , my comforter , my rod and my other half . regardless of what life throws at us , the bond that we share is unbreakable , i love my boyfriend and without a doubt i know he loves me backkk !!

It’s 4:07 am, and I can’t sleep. I have sorrow in my heart for a stranger, a young mom that I have never met.

I picked up a story about a young mom, that was found lifeless in her own home. With further research I learned that it was her own child’s daddy. According to victims Facebook page, she and Scott had been in a relationship and have a 3-year-old daughter together.  – Myrtle Beach Online.

 They say it’s a thin line between love and hate, so my question is: “What drives a person to killing their own child’s mother?” How can someone be that angry, heartless and confused? What didn’t he get when she said goodbye to him and choose herself?  

This mom reminded me of who I could have been. In terms of a teen mom from a small town. The tributes on her page was all across the board. Funny, sweet, angry, confusion, celebration; even from the victim herself. By just reading her timeline, it’s clear to see that she was not only a beautiful scholar, but an excellent mother, sister and friend. I have shared some of the most significant mentions on her time line here. 

One comment read-

Psalm 30:5 “For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.”
 
 “He states that is when he and the victim started to argue. He said that she stated something like ‘I don’t want to be with you anymore’ or ‘I can’t do this anymore’ and that is when everything changed,” the warrant states. “He said whatever she said struck a nerve in him and he lost it. He stated that she pushed him or smushed his face (pushing his face) and he doesn’t know what happen after that. He states that he lost it and blacked out. He said that when he came to he heard his daughter saying ‘daddy’ from the car.” – My Horry News
 
eboni and
 “Victim said:
Thanks honey, we proving everybody who thought we wouldn’t made it wrong !” 
 **************************************

This is sad  don’t know you at all “victim”, but sweetie when I saw your situation all over Facebook, my eyes were full of tears & my heart was so heavy of emotions as a Mother, because I can’t even imagine the pain of what your daughter is going through when she realizes that her closest friend, her provider, the first love of her life HER MOTHER is not here to give anymore. I pray for that child because NO ONE should have to bury their mom especially at such a young age. My heart, soul, emotions & deepest condolences goes out to your precious little one & your family & closest friends. May you rest I’m peace!!!

**********************************************

Victim:

– in the words of my pastor, “church hurt is the worst hurt , that’s why so many people walk away from the church ; the church suppose to be about loving and not judgement !”    
 
A woman told police that her son, John Scott, had called her and told her that he thought he killed his girlfriend.- Carolina Live
ebon
 
 
 Here is my advice for parents when discussing Domestic Violence with their child: 

1. Never make them choose. The last thing you want to do is make your child prove she /he loves her/his mate. Some kids do things just to piss us parents off. If a guy/girl is getting sexed, it’s even harder to pull them apart.

2. Become a detective. Read what your child puts on social media. You can learn a lot by just investigating time in and with your children.

3. Always speak up! Then take action. Be very clear about what happens to both the victim and the abuser. After all it will effect more than them. For example, the morgue, hospital, children, parents, friends, family, employment status, etc.

4. Show your child a healthy relationship, even if you must show them via other family members, friends, and books.

In closing, parents, teach your child(ren) to walk away from anything that does not make them better. It’s not worth it. If YOU are having an domestic issue, leave- get help, Otherwise you are telling your child that it’s ok to stay. There were so many things that went wrong here, way too many to mention in one post. Life is too short for needing to prove that you are loved, needed and amazing, (when you already are.)  Finding that type of love starts from within. I wish each of you peace and understanding on your journey.

Love yourself enough to walk away, and once you are away get some self defense classes and mace.

QC Supermom

 

Here’s “John’s” story:

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15 thoughts on “Friday Four: Keep your hands to yourself John

  1. If you didn’t know her, maybe you should have gotten some sort of approval and understanding from her family before “analyzing” her life based on FB posts. Social media is the worst way of actually learning about a person. Your intentions may have been pure but it comes off and insensitive and very impersonal.

    • Impersonal means having no personality; devoid of human character or traits, and insensitive means lacking feeling or tact. Did you really feel that way? One of the points I clearly made was, it could he been me. I too had my son in high school. I too felt that I had to justify my relationship with this guy. There are so many cross references I tied myself to beautiful Eboni’s story. It wasn’t intended to offend. I wanted it to address the dark- shove under the rug issues that come along with teen pregnancy and domestic violence. Clearly Eboni was a incredible young lady. I admire her as a mom, daughter and friend. But she didn’t know her worth. She deserved so much better. “The thing about social media is it’s public information. There is no such thing as seek approval before commenting. The world is not fluffy pillows and love songs-neither am I. Everything I write will not be Mary Poppins smooth. Sometimes you just have to put on your big girl panties and deal with it. But before you get too confused, ask yourself, wouldn’t it be great if another young mom/ woman walked away from her abusive relationship after reading this?

  2. In actuality I’m addressing the assumption you made about a status fr 2011 where she mentions the church and you apparently took from that she had didn’t feel she could talk to anyone… Kind of contradictory given that you clearly see from FB that she had a HUGE support system. You have no idea if she knew her worth, you’re basing this off of what you’re reading, if you knew her, you would know that she actually hasn’t been in a relationship who this guy for months, so clearly she knew she wanted out. You analyzed someone you didn’t know. I don’t need textbook definitions of impersonal or insensitive, thanks but no thanks. For someone who has no idea anything about Eboni it was as I stated impersonal and insensitive. Insensitive mainly because if you did know her or have a connection with her, you would note that her family and close friends are asking people to refrain from posting pictures of Eboni and her murderer and also for people to refrain from retelling the events of her death or posting the link. I’m not trying to personally attack you, I’m just informing you that it’s already a bad situation and it’s a fresh situation, and your link is being shared on FB constantly, so be considerate, gather all the facts and speak to the right people before taking the opportunity to capitalize off of this situation for a blog post.

      • No worries. I have issues like that all of the time. I just chalk that up to the busy body kids here interrupting me. I have 6 of our 9 here. (one daughter passed at 11yr old)

    • I didn’t get paid for this blog post.. No links are attached at all, so how do you go from over analyzing to capitalizing? And again, the intention was to acknowledge domestic violence has no age limit and to offer solutions. What ticks me off is that it’s being hushed under the rug. That’s way so many people are hurting. It’s nothing new, and i will continue to share. What are you asking me to do? I can change the title, I can blur her image, but the information is helping other females, and it’s staying. So again, what would you like me to do?

      • Capitalizing doesn’t have to be monetary, you’re destined to get more blog traffic based on it being shared on FB. That’s some reward for your blog. Either way, this wasn’t a clear cut DV situation since she wasn’t in a relationship with this guy and hasn’t been for months like I stated, she was actually in another relationship. He was the father of her child but nothing more. So that fact alone makes this whole blog a mute point therefore the whole post or just every reference to her(name, photos, etc) within the post should be removed. Solely based on respect and facts of the situation. That’s what I’m asking for. Trust me, I clearly see your passion for DV and I’m not knocking that, just find a new event to make as the basis for your post.

      • (I can’t feed my family on views. ) Now, if those that read it actually go something from it, then it was worth my time and effort. I’ll make changes on this post. Thank you for speaking up.

      • Actually you could. Blog traffic (views) tend to draw the attention of sponsors willing to pay you for advertising space. But thanks for being willing to honor my simple request.

      • See that’s the difference in why I blog and what others think. I do it for the cause and NOT the applause. I have children that I am determined to leave a road map for. This blog helps me do just that. Long after I’m gone, they will have a general roadmap for life. The post is almost completed.

      • You mentioned “views” couldn’t feed your family so I just pointed put that was inaccurate, I didn’t make assumptions. I commend you for blogging for a cause.

  3. Not to be a bother, but a couple links are still available within the post that links to “V.A.”s FB page and also one that links to the victim’s. I’m sure this was an oversight as opposed to an attempt to keep the connection within the blog. And also, the victim was not found “on the side of the road”. Excuse my passion but this is very sensitive to me as DV is to you, so I’m sure you understand. Goodnight and thanks for the revision.

  4. I like this article. I do not know if the victim was in an abusive relationship or not, however, I believe this article has the potential to help other young women stay away from abusive relationships. I believe the discussion guide gives parents options on how to help their child identify with possible domestic violence. Rest in Peace.

    • Thank you. That’s exactly the message I wanted to convey. Sure people will have other feelings about it. I’ll look past them as they are the ones that must work on their inner demons. And if they don’t like it, they can always stop reading. I’m not trying to please everyone. I want to help those that actually want to do better.

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