Friday Four: Boundaries 101

“Aww crap, I really don’t want to do that.”
“But If I say no, they won’t think I’m a nice person …”
“But I really don’t feel like doing this …”
“Damn it, I’ll just do it. Grr.”

What’s that? You too!

Your personal boundaries also define who you are as an individual.

Mothers are over committed in a lot of ways, and tend to feel more of a psychological burden when asked to do someone a favor. When the boundary is clearly and respected, you don’t need walls or electric fence. However, when the boundary is violated in order to do harm or take advantage, then you’ll likely need walls, gates and guards. I’m learning to grab my Home Depot card and just go get the supplies to build it myself.

I have learned to go deeper with the meaning and understand that boundaries are an important part of self-love and not allowing others to treat you in a way that is not healthy for you and your life.  When boundary setting is not demonstrated for us as we grow up into “adult world”, the struggle to understand how to implement them can be difficult, and sometimes scary. Simply put, a boundary is a limit or space between you and the other person; a clear place where you begin and the other person ends.

I didn’t think I was good enough or lovable enough if I didn’t put the needs of others first.

This is why communicating your boundaries clearly is key. But what does — and doesn’t — this look like? It is our way of communicating to others that we have self-respect, self-worth, and will not allow others to define us.

Here are signs you have not set personal boundaries as a mom.

1.Not speaking up when you have something to say.

2.Adopting another person’s beliefs or ideas so you are accepted/Acting against your integrity or values in order to please others.

3.Allowing people to say things to you or in front of you that ruffles you..

4. Allowing yourself to be interrupted or distracted to accommodate another person’s immediate wants or needs.(This works great for teens as well.)

Have you ever been around those people who drain you?  Who make you feel like it takes more effort to be around them than others?  Do you have friends who seem to rule your life, run over your thoughts and feelings?  Do you have family who come to visit and just don’t leave?  Well, looks like you might need to start setting some healthy boundaries…

It took me many years through this journey of life to learn how to set boundaries and even what the heck that meant. Think of a boundary as a shield of protection around you and one that will provide health and happiness, and I’m still fine tuning it. In my mom coaching practice, many of the women I work with struggle with one common theme: setting healthy boundaries. I witness this challenge pop up in all relationships. We experience this uncomfortable pattern until we heal the root cause of the behavior.

We’ll talk about protecting your boundaries next Friday! Have a great weekend!

Great images about boundaries!

Wednesday Wow: Disbursing the wedding receipt

 Disbursing the wedding receipt

Almost seven years later and I am getting ready for my nieces big day. I hope we can walk away with gas money after the wedding day. Setting a budget is one of the most important parts of wedding planning – but before you can figure out how much you can afford to pay for your big day, you’ll need to decide who is paying for what.

Many couples pay for everything themselves. My dad paid for much of the ceremony, and my mom’s brother paid for our wedding cake.  My husband’s family is a Justice Of The Peace’ type family so they didn’t cover anything.

In the end, it’s really up to you to decide what works best for you and your families.

Here is the breakdown of the “traditional” way to divide up the budget – use this as a starting point,but don’t get our feelings hurt by expecting others to pay up.

Bride’s Family
Engagement Party
The Wedding Ceremony – venue, décor, and music
The Wedding Reception
Catering
Music
The bride’s attire
Wedding planner
Flowers (except, in some cases, for bride’s bouquet, men’s boutonnieres, and corsages for mothers and grandmothers)
Stationery – invitations, ceremony programs, etc.
Favors
Photography
Videography
Transportation
Cake
Day-After Brunch (if desired)

Groom’s Family
Rehearsal Dinner
Honeymoon (if desired, often the couple themselves pay)
In some parts of the country, it’s tradition for the groom’s family to pay for the alcohol at the reception

Bride
Bridesmaid Gifts
Groom’s Wedding Band
Hair and Makeup for Herself and Attendants
Wedding-Day Gift for the Groom
Gift for Her Parents

Groom
Marriage license
Officiant
Bride’s Rings (Engagement Ring and Wedding Band)
Groomsmen’s Gifts
Groom’s Attire
Wedding-Day Gift for the Bride
The Bride’s Bouquet, Men’s Boutonnieres, and Mothers’ and Grandmother’s Corsages (this is a very traditional way of doing things – usually the bride’s bouquet and the boutonnieres are paid for by whoever’s handling the total flower budget)
Gift for His Parents
Wedding Night Accommodations

Wedding Party
Their Attire
Their Travel and Accommodations
Wedding Gifts for the Couple
Other Parties – Bachelor/Bachelorette, Bridal Shower, etc.

Parents of Flower Girl/Ring Bearers
Children’s Attire

Again, this list is based on traditional roles, and nowadays, it’s rare for anyone to follow it exactly. I advise all couples to have an open and honest discussion with family members about their roles in the wedding budget. Ready to start planning your wedding budget? Head to The Knot Interactive toolkit to get organized and stay on track!

Friday Four: Just Dance!

I love dancing. I don’t know what took me so long to include it in my exercise regime. I have to cook. It takes me at least 45 minutes to get it all done. Why haven’t I been pumping up the jam to help get these hips down?

See my Pinterest board on easy foods for kids!

 

It just came together the other night while over the stove. My daughter strolls in the kitchen with The Fuggees; ‘ Ready Or Not’ playing on her phone. Mannnnnn, I got the feeling and had to dance it out!

The kids were amused as my husband walked in and did his little Fred Sanford’ jig, but I really didn’t care. I was back in college with my boxed braids in my hair, getting down with my girls, at the off -campus house party! Those were the days!

So why should you dance IN the kitchen WHILE cooking WITH your children? Here’s FOUR reasons to try it:

1. On the smooth surface floor, you’ll move smoother. That alone is priceless. With little effort, you’ll look like J-lo, James Brown, any of them – EVER!  (I need that support in my life.)

2. Your steps are flawless. Think limber and fluid…..My daughter was trying to get dance lessons from me.

3. You can have fun while >< Get This><……… exercising! I think 30 minutes 4 times a week gotta add up!

4. Your little ones will LOVE jamming with you. THEY WILL LOVE IT!  Dancing with mommy?! What child wouldn’t? See for yourself!

I gotta go, these hips won’t trim themselves down.

~QC Supermom

Wednesday Wow: Beavers booty is in our food! The Food Babe Book Review

We recently enjoyed a Varni Hari “Food Babe Party.” That’s Ashley, my assistant organizer for Queen City Stay At Home Moms. Our son’s came along for the party as well. After all, they are the reason for wanting to learn more about selecting and serving healthy food via The Food Babe, Varni Hari way.

Just in case you don’t know, Varni is been a busy young lady. She’s been able to do things like encouraging Kraft to stop using food dye in their American Mac and Cheese.  (Not that we even eat that)

Hari has done research on several foods, collected evidence that the chemicals could be dangerous and she’s put fire under companies like Chick-fil-A, Subway, Chipotle, and Starbucks to CHANGE!

That’s pretty impressive work for “just a regular person” wouldn’t you say?

Vari Hari  is brave. She’s been attacked in the news for not being a scientist. Again, she never said she was, but do you have to be a scientist to do extensive research, compile data, and present facts? Is that a job relegated only to scientists? I fear that the reason she is being attacked may be more for the message than it is for the messenger. Food companies are starting to notice Hari. If she runs a campaign against them, they would have to respond and either change their food or lose customers. They are smarter than that…… we hope!

What I Think of the Book

The Food Babe Way is very well written and thorough – complete with 9 pages of references in the back! Vani calls herself a consumer investigator and citizen journalist, and she communicates her findings with an impeccable level of detail. For that reason, I do think Part I is a lot to absorb for newbies,” but the overall message (to not trust Big Food) is not lost. They’re pretty much in it for the bottom line after all, and I love how Vani reinforces what I already know to be true – you must be the one to take charge of your own health. And she gives you the resources to do just that.

For example, in this picture, we slipped chia seeds in the boys yogurt. They didn’t even care!

I love how Vani’s new book not only tells you what food additives and products to avoid, but also leaves you with a solid plan of what you can eat (recipes included). The Food Babe Way is broken down into these sections:

Note: I was sent an advance copy of the Food Babe Way to review. I am not being compensated for my review, my opinions are my own.

Friday Four: What To Do While Waiting On The Snow

I said “Brrrrr! It’s cold in here! It must be a Tiger in the atmosphere!” YES, it’s a corny old school day cheer, but it is definitely cold in the QC. So settle in and stay there. Charlotte, NC has closed for the week! 

Northerners make jokes about how we southerners react to a “little snow.” But we rarely get snow down here in Charlotte NC. When the news folks began to talk about the white gold, the children and I got excited while my husband begins his search for batteries!

So while he’s running around like a mad man, I’ll tell you about my top four ideas to help you enjoy this cold and shut in weather! They were inspired by my QC Supermom FB friends.

1. Well if you have a significant other, then lucky you.  The cold weather means wanted body contact. Cuddle on the couch with a few good movies,light snacks, and a warm blanket. OR you could turn up the music to your favorite music artist and just relax. Two of my friends are doing just that. One just shared on QC Supermom that she is listening to Bob Marley on Spotfy… sippin wine. Thinking about all of the above makes me all warm and fuzzy on the inside!

Make sure Fido is warm if he/she sleeps outside.

 

2. Catch up with back logged work. Sure, it’s not as fun, but it’s still a smart move. Just about all of your questions can be answered by third parties because they too have little to do today. My friend Ed, from The Preparedness Consulting group is doing his taxes, getting ready for his next trade show and completing some new home made laundry detergent. A momperneur friend of mine, from Fashion MisFit is getting a head start on her next big order of customized purses.

3.” We made “Casuela de Cerdo” a pork and potato stew .. Hot tea.. And movies … I am going to do some sewing tomorrow! ” said Jessica.  I like the idea of trying new recipes also.

4.Have your children perform’ Karaoke Night’ for you! My babies LOVE to entertain me.  It is by far the best and most affordable entertainment in town. The video below was from Thanksgiving. They entered my work-space so I watched them dance. 🙂

Whatever you do, stay safe, warm, inside, prepared, and connected to others!

~QC Supermom

More on :

Healthy tea, and coffee by Organo Gold.

Being Prepared by Ed Godka & The Preparedness Consulting Group LLC.

Customized fashions and designs by Fashion Misfit USA-

Friday Four: Selecting a Tax Preparer

Recently I hosted a Turbo Tax Party. I was able to offer discount codes, tax tips , a spiffy -information infused folder and a healthy snack. It was a pretty nice HouseParty*.  Because we had friends and family out of town that wanted the information, we did a Periscope and created an online party on FaceBook. (You can still join in for great tips and tax jokes) Whether you use a family friend/non certified or a CPA, Enrolled agent, etc., you should know what to look for.

EA is a tax professional licensed by the IRS through a special enrollment exam or after working for the IRS for five years.They’re required to take continuing education courses in taxes every three years, and, generally speaking, may charge less than CPAs.

There are several good signs for a good tax preparer, but not many for a bad one. For example, Good tax preparers will ask for all your W-2, 1099 and 1098 forms as well as other records and receipts to verify income, expenses and credits.  Preparers who are willing to e-file returns using paystubs in place of W-2s are in direct violation of IRS rules and regulations. Did you know that? Well here’s 4 more tips to use to keep you from being audited.

1. Ask The Big Question                                                                                                                Ask for referrals. Easy one right, but you’d be surprise at the number of people that don’t do that. Some of the biggest brands in the industry have shaky branch offices and preparers.  So don’t let the name and office space fool you.

Note that you don’t have to go to a tax preparer’s office to do your return. Tax return preparation can be handled completely online by email. There are no laws preventing you from using an accountant online. Thus, you can use a preparer in another city or even another state.

2. They Do NOT have to be licensed.                                                                                                           “The court ruled that Congress never gave the IRS the authority to license tax preparers, and the IRS can’t give itself that power.”Only a few states – such as California, Oregon, Maryland and New York – have licensing or registration requirements for paid tax preparers. In all other states, practically anyone can prepare your federal tax return and charge a fee. See theRegistered Tax Return Preparers (RTRP) program required preparers to obtain a Preparer Tax Identification Number (PTIN), pass a competency test, pay an annual application fee, and complete fifteen hours of continuing education annually. Not everyone wants or must do that. It doesn’t automatically rule them as incompetent, scammers or, out right abusers.

3.Client Security

Unfortunately, the tax preparer industry has not remained immune from the ever-increasing problem of security breaches.  Never hesitate to ask a preparer how they safeguard client confidentiality in the form of physical and electronic security of their clients’ information and records.  If the answer is not to your satisfaction then walk away.

4.PTINS and E-filing

A paid preparer must have a Preparer Tax Identification Number (PTIN) and if they prepare and file more than 10 returns for clients they must file electronically.  The client copy of the tax return should show the preparer’s name and PTIN in the signature area of page two of the Form 1040.  Never agree to do business with a tax preparer who refuses to provide their clients with copies of their tax returns.

Look for someone with at least seven years’ experience. You want someone who’s handled a variety of tax situations, in both good and bad economic times.

Often, the best way to find a tax pro is to get referrals from friends or business associates. If this doesn’t work, there are a number of professional organizations that have online databases of tax preparers.

 

Oh, and please don’t overlook this IRS page and this one.too!

The reality is, taxes can be hard, and it’s getting harder. The Tax Code is becoming increasingly complicated. And tax preparers make it easier to navigate. Tax time alone can be a stressful. That’s why many taxpayers hire someone to do their taxes for them. It’s important to choose the right preparer, otherwise you may find yourself in the precise legal trouble you were trying to avoid in the first place!

Keep It Right- Keep It Tight!

Jabela

Good Books for Low Dough!

                    ‘If you go home with somebody and they don’t have books, Leave  – Kelle Pressley 

A lot of our money goes into BOOKS! We have all sorts of them. Before my husband and I had children, we had books. Books can take you any and everywhere. We’re always telling our children that books and reading are good for them, but have we ever really thought about why that’s true?  Exactly what do older children get out of reading novels?  What do younger kids get from reading children’s stories and being read to?

The purpose of this article is to say that, yes, it’s true, reading really is important, and that there are some solid reasons why that is so.  Let’s begin with the practical benefits and then move on to the less tangible rewards of a life filled with reading. AND HOW TO BUY THEM Affordably!

1. To Develop Your Verbal Abilities

2. Improves Your Focus and Concentration

3. It Improves Your Imagination

4. Reading Makes You Smarter

5. It Reduces Stress

6. To Discover and Create Yourself

7. For Entertainment

Reading lets you in on the joke- AskMen

I recently met with Kate M. Brekke. She sells Usborne books! Here’s her link. They have books of all types- for all ages! They are even mobile. So grab a few friends and have a book fair! Book swapping- This options works great for everyone! From parenting books to new readers, on up to college students! Library – I get ALOT of our books from here. Some times the kids loose them and because they are older books, I get a good deals that I pay for in increments if I choose to. Other times, there is a section of books and magazines available for sale. E-Books- One of my favorite E-books is from Judge Judy. It’s so inspiring. I’m almost finished reading it. The great thing about e-books is that you save trees and can read it anywhere you have internet connection. Get her’s here for free-

Click to access WWJS_Hero.pdf

!

In this book I want to have an honest conversation about what it really takes to get what you deserve out of life: how to define your worth and stick to it; how to find the courage to take risks–and how to build your backup plan; how to ignore the chattering classes and create your own destiny.~

Judge Judy’s

Thrift Stores -Buying pre-owned goods at your local thrift store can yield you great bargains. I have built 60% of our library from there. Even my culinary shelf!  I look for the most used book of all; the one with pages splattered with olive oil and flour and tomato sauce. The one whose recipes were followed, and then followed again. Cooking from an “experienced” cookbook is the next best thing to learning from an experienced cook. Books make great gifts or cheap alternatives to new novels when you’re traveling. You never know when you’ll find that diamond in the rough, either; you could stumble upon a first edition that might be worth a pretty penny. Make a habit out of looking inside the cover to discover the print date. One of those online resellers sites I’ve heard of LibraryThing,BooksFree, Zunafish, half.com,America’s BookShelf, Thrift Books.com,  and  BookCrossing. It’s an extremely unique system, it’s more like karma for books. A very basic explanation: read a book, label it with a unique book number, and then leave it somewhere. Anywhere. You can leave it in a coffeeshop, with a friend, on a park bench (“releasing it into the wild”). There are designated book crossing spots all over the world, but they’re not required. If someone picks up your book, by chance, they write a little review of it online, and you can read all the reviews of the particular book you “released into the wild”. Now, you can also look at book crossing spots in your area to see what books have been left there, and go pick it up if you want. Interestingly, there’s a map that shows where books are “released” or “caught” all over the world — in real time. Fascinating. It’s definitely a must-see.

Friday Four: Not Celebrating V-Day with the Kids? FORGET ABOUT IT!

Let’s think this through. You go out , have fun and leave your child (ren) with someone else who wishes they were not there. Sure, you’ve given them candy, cards and maybe even Valentine’s Day balloons but is that really fair? Naaaaaah, Not one bit. This year make it a family celebration of love.

Family where life begins & love never ends.

I’ll give you 4 ways to do it!

1. Make a pizza – together! Kids love to cook. If you are up for it, grab up your play group or friends and make it a pizza party! Years later , the laughs, and captured memories will be worth it!

Shape your pizza into a circle, like you normally would. With your thumb and forefinger together, push the top down toward the center of the crust to create the top of the heart.  Pinch the bottom and pull to create the point at the bottom of the heart.

 Ingredients:

• 1 batch homemade pizza dough (feel free to use store-bought crust, but you may want to brush your grill or grill pan with your favorite cooking oil to help ensure no sticking)
• Pizza sauce
• Shredded mozzarella cheese along with any other cheeses you’d like to add (we sometimes add a bit of Parmesan and a little sprinkling of sharp cheddar)
• Toppings of choice (pepperoni, olives, sausage, onions, tomatoes, basil … the options are endless)

Directions:

1. Cut the pizza dough into 8 pieces, each about the size of a tennis ball.
2. Stretch each piece into a circle, then shape into hearts by pushing in the top and pinching then pulling down on the bottom.
3. Let dough sit for about 10 minutes to rest and rise.
4. With the grill on medium-high (about 350-400 degrees), transfer crusts to the grill and cook until the crust puffs on top and gets grill marks on the bottom, about 3 minutes. If the dough sprouts any big bubbles, go ahead and pop them if you can.
5. Transfer the crust to a cookie sheet or large platter, grilled side up.
6. Spread the sauce on the pizza, add toppings, cover with cheese, and transfer back to the grill. Cook until pizza crust is cooked through, the toppings are hot, and the cheese is bubbly, about 3 – 4 minutes. If you have a barbecue with a lid, cooking them covered at this stage helps heat the toppings.
7. Remove from the grill to a pizza peel or large baking sheet. Serve.

2.Make a Tissue /Paper Towel Roll Valentine-

Gifts for older kids

You can’t go wrong with this one!  Use this one for children of all ages. Throw in non toxic-lip gloss, earrings, gift cards. snack mixes, Hot wheels, cash, … just about anything will do. Since you can use either your toilet tissue or paper towel roll it’s even more cleaver! TIP: A lot of these things you can get from the dollar store*, or your favorite business. I’m sure they carry smaller sizes of their favorite things.

3. Serve Others together- Now, how sweet is that? This is the type of activity you do to build a bond on. After folding, sorting, hanging and reporting, if nothing else, your communication skills will have increased AND you will have helped a little girl/boy find something to wear to school. Maybe even help a parent find a nice outfit to wear to a job interview. You never know. After all Valentines Day is about LOVE. Love is also an action. What better way to show it? It’s needed more than ever these days.  They say volunteering in the United States hit an all-time low last year, the Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS) reported.

4. Have a Party In Your Home. Just stay in an crank up the jam! Make memories that will last forever! Soon enough they will be adults and not want to spend such time with you.So while you’re at it, video them doing the running man  dance and play it at their next birthday party. 🙂 Just kidding but if you can find a community party, go for it. Just make this Valentine’ d Day more than just a another holiday. Show your tiniest heart some LOVE!  ~ QC Supermom

QC Supermom Valentines Day Party 2015

More Valentines’ and family quotes:

In family life, love is the oil that eases friction, the cement that binds closer together, and the music that brings harmony.

When everything goes to hell, the people who stand by you without flinching — they are your family. via @cuquotes