Due To COVID-19 many doula’s will be coaching from the sideline and dads will be walking into the active labor and birthing coach position. (which I think is how it should be) So how does that look for the new dads with absolutely no birthing experience? Well, That’s nothing to fear with a little training.
Congratulations Pops! You Did It! LITERALLY. Now is not the time to panic. And just so you know that i’m not being impartial, I asked my husband of 9 (nine) babies to help me out with this post. It’s my goal to equip you not traumatize you. So get comfy and keep that same energy you had at conception. okay?. 🙂 Let’s get prepared now shall we?!
First things first- Attend Youtube University. Signup for QC Supermom’s “Daddy Doula Crash Collection” It’s a comprehensive stash of videos of birth! After watching you will be much more comfortable with birth. You be able to identify what is normal and what isn’t. You’ll need this information just in case your doula isn’t around and she needs your confidence to push through random situations, ask intentional questions, as they may arise and to help make better decisions.
Things You Can Do During Her Pregnancy:
Massage here , Listen to her, learn birthing affirmations and pregnancy / labor keywords Historically more moms are cooking, cleaning, homeschooling, and doing everything in between. For brownie points , especially if she’s showing signs of stress, pick up a extra task in the home. Stress is never good for a pregnant mom or baby and it shows that you are truly supporting her.
During labor. Make her feel save. As her man, birth partner, baby daddy, etc., make your presence known. Ensure that shes comfortable and that you care. Regardless of what she says. Be in the moment. PERIOD! Turn on your protector zone. We know a lot about what encourages oxycontin to be present in a woman’s body in abundance just as we understand what can inhibit its flow. She needs you to know these things as well.
A list of oxy-pro factors:
Being warm
Being intimate
Not talking
Feeling safe and loved
Dark environments
Familiar places
Deep relaxation
List of oxy-antagonist:
Unfamiliar places and vibes tense body postures
Being inhibited regarding movement
Bright lights
Cold Fear
Answering extra questions
Chit chat
Knowing these basic things about how our bodies have worked for thousands of years should inform our behavior right? Yassssss, I knew you would get it!
Continue to check in mentally with her. Your role is so much profound than mine ( a doula) But don’t forget to take care of yourself. Self care allows you to be a better care taker for your pregnant wife. So stay fit. Which ever way you prefer to do so. Your testosterone can come in handy during this entire process. From exciting her and providing her with sexual pleasure. You Will Not Hurt The Baby’s Head to holding her heavy belly to offer her a break from carrying your baby. But listen, now is not the time to go on a diet. She is gaining weight for your baby….. you get what I’m saying?
Note: Your testosterone may be too low if you have no ambition, no middle of the night erection, or/ and if you don’t smell manly after a 30 minute workout. (seriously) Drinking or smoking too much? That maybe thee problem too. And definitely get enough rest. If any of this sounds too challenging, call a trusted family member of friend. I’m sure they’ll be happy to help keep you in line.
I want you to be focused on your job in the labor and delivery room. Your goal, your mission, your task is to offer your baby mama effective, creative, thoughtful support As we have said, when she truly feels this, her oxytocin levels will rise.
Daddy Doula Tools:
Birth Affirmations ( I sell them on my webpage also) Doula Dad Crash Course (Open donation required for access ) Vegan Lactation Treats Doula Dad Tool Kit (Make your own or buy one from my website prices startat just $30) Doula Dad Emergency Childcare New Support For Mom
Get Your Stuff Together
You need to know how to time her contractions, exactly where you’re going, and the quickest route to get there. Ensure your batteries are charged and back stocked. You should also know how to read her blood pressure and baby’s heart rate vitals as well. Even though the wonderful nurses at your hospital are already checking on this.
Oh, please make sure all the important phone numbers are in your phone (Midwife, babysitter, Birth Center, other family etc), She’ll love you for being so reliant and well prepared. Trust Me!
If birthing at home, discuss with your Midwife how to prepare the birth space and get down to your local hardware store. You’ll be surprised at what you will need – hoses, hose fittings, tarp, towels – lots and lots of towels. It sounds like alot, but deep breath, you got this!
Also make sure your bag is packed. It should look like your doulas.
If you are local, come hang out with me and some other really cool dads. Once a month I put ya;ll together and I answer all of your questions. It doesn’t matter what you ask. I’ll answer it. Or I’ll have my husband there to do it for me. I’ll post those dates as they arise. Sign up for the newsletter by sending me a message and requesting to be notified. That’s it. Simple right?
Seriously, you should come . It’s recommended by other childbirth educators, midwives and obstetricians all over the U.S., here’s some of what we cover when we’re together:
- What should you never say to a woman in labor?
- How can you actively help with pain relief in childbirth?
- How protect your pregnant woman if things get ugly with your birth team?
- What can you do to make childbirth faster and easier for your woman?
- What should you be doing during each stage of labor and birth?
- Why are the first hours after the birth so important to your baby’s health
- and more based on current group needs.
In the end pops, you will do just fine if you actively find ways to treat your woman like the life-giving Queen she is. She [more than] deserves it after her body grew twice it’s size. Did this overwhelm you? I shared a lot but let Love lead you. If anything makes you feel uneasy, I’m here. And I’m available online if you aren’t in the Charlotte, NC area. Don’t Be Fearful! She needs you daddy doula!
P.S. Don’t forget to rub her nipples! (you know if she likes it to help with labor and milk production.)
(NOTE: the picture above came from Huggies. Dope right? )
QC Supermom 