Friday Four: A Doula’s fourth-of-july of July

I am proud to be an american in-spite of everythingHappy 4th Of July!!!!

I delivered my 5th doula baby a few hours ago!!! Talk about a true “Labor Day!” Speaking of Independence Day, what all do you really know about it? The Europeans man of freedom from Britain? Cook out time with family and friends? A break from work. A celebration of giving birth?

I know it looks like play time, but we're working here.

I know it looks like play time, but we’re working here.

My husband says, it has been watered down over the years and it doesn’t have an significant meaning to him. That’s his meaning of 4th Of July.

My preference is different. As a child, I was in love with the idea of “Working and making loads of money.” It’s true! With age Does comes wisdom. Yes, I love keeping utilities on and helping others. But I can’t wait till my working hours level off.  As a mom,that work from home, it’s easy to pull 40-60 hours a week- Easy!!!!

Labor Day is viewed as the unofficial last day of vacation before the start of the new school year (and mourned by students all over).  Stated differently, it is the Back-to-School kickoff (cheered by parents all over!).

To all the hard working folks out there, I salute you. On behalf of everything we do, let’s take the day off and let our fro down.

Here, look what I found online and on our family book shelf!

My 5th "Doula" baby.

My 5th “Doula” baby.

The 4th of July

(”aka’ Independence Day)  is a national U.S. holiday. It always falls on a Friday.What better day if you ask me.

What are we celebrating? The contributions and achievements of the 155 million men and women who are in the U.S. workforce.

Although, it began in Canada, Stemming from 1870’s labor disputes in Toronto, in 1872. We celebrate the country’s Declaration of Independence from Great Britain on July 4, 1776. The actual legal separation of the former 13 colonies actually took place on July 2, 1776, but but the declaration document written by Thomas Jefferson (later the third president of the United States) was not ratified until two days later.

In the late 1800s the average American worked 12-hour days and seven-day weeks to eke out a basic living. Children as young as 5-6 years old worked in factories and mines.

John Adams, later second president of the United States, wrote that “The second day of July, 1776, will be the most memorable epoch in the history of America. I am apt to believe that it will be celebrated by succeeding generations as the great anniversary festival. “

Women business owners employ 35 percent more people than all the Fortune 500 companies combined.

He was almost right, though the celebration has taken place on the 4th of July from the beginning. Early festivities often included 13-gun salutes, parades, and fireworks. Then in June 1994, Congress voted to make Labor Day a national federal holiday.

Question: How many rays are on the crown of the Statue of Liberty?

One for each continent, according to the StatueofLiberty.org.

carowinds today

Well did any of this surprise you? Here’s how I spent Labor Day- With MY FAMILY chilling out. The girls went too but they didn’t stick around. Every once in awhile they checked in and graced us with a smile. 🙂

I hope your day went well. Learn more here!

 

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Friday Four: I love my children, but…

I tell ya, parenting isn’t what I thought it was gonna be. Do I work and be neglectful* to pursue my own selfish aspirations? Or day in and day out change diapers, home school, cook gmo free for picky palates, have bed time wars? Kids fight, they ask for your last dollar, they grow up & have a mind of their own. They get loads of tattoos.The list goes on and on. Call it a growing trend or extended postpartum, here’s what other moms share:

I take her to concerts and theaters, stay up nights when she’s sick, got her into good school, enrichment activities, teach her to read, write, cook, clean…I smile, and I hug and kiss, and tell her I love her – it’s never sincere!

Every day-week-month just deeper and deeper into faking, lying, swallowing my real emotions…getting stomach cramps and migraines from all this faking, but it’s still 13 more years, until she’s at least 18, and I can retire from this crap. Wish someone warned me before I had a kid

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I lost it tonight after dressing my child for the 4th time after she’s made herself naked, tripped over about 15 toys I had just picked up and got hit in the face with something she threw and said “weeeee” (it accidentally hit me). Oh and the dressing thing is the worst, “me do it”….ok you do it…I try to help her a couple times then after being pushed away and scolded “me do it” for the 10th time, I walk away… She screams “no mommy do it!!!” Ugh!!! What part of this is enjoyable? I know women spend lots of money to get pregnant but ladies, this is not fun! I hate play dates and not to mention, other people’s kids! I don’t even like kids!! I just had to get that out because I’m totally losing who I am and who I was. I lost my sexiness, playfulness and being calm. I’m a tightly wound, frumpy, angry person! Can anyone relate?? Or am alone? Before anyone says I need therapy or antidepressants, I’m only like this when I’m with my child. When I go to work, out with friends or just my hubby, I’m alive again!!! But obviously that’s not life anymore and that makes me sad 😦

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I am a sahm and I really don’t like it. I count the days until my kids go back to school. My kids are under 10 and fight all the time. It really puts a burden on my marriage. I should be thankful that my husband provides for us and makes enough money for me to be able to stay home, but I would rather work outside of the house.”

My mother never took more than a single hour or two for herself out of an entire week. She was run ragged, stressed to the max.  I wish I could go back in time and tell my mother, how special she is; that she needs to take care of herself.” If you are getting overwhelmed, try one of these four tips:

1.If you can’t wait till they get older, go on a get a job. Make sure it’s a good one with benefits, and then you file for child support (if you need it) to help you support your child. When you want to go out and enjoy your life, you find a babysitter, do you know why? Because that is what adults do.

2. Give the baby up for adoption.There are some people who do not need to have children  or been on the pill and made your man use a condom. There are so many women dying to have children and can’t have children of their own, that would gladly give up their life for that baby.

3. Remember that they are not babies forever. In a few years you will have someone that can do a lot of the work all by himself. Just get to that point, ok. It goes by a lot quicker than you think. It is really important to start training your kids to be independent and self sufficient, and instead of you resolving their disputes force them to do so before they get 5. Hurry now!

4. Find support. All moms need time outs! May it be with a great book, a friend at the movies, my group of QCSAHM,(great women that supported each other.)

I think many people underestimate how difficult being a parent can be, and they also overestimate how rewarding the experience of raising a child will be. Perhaps if we didn’t set unrealistic expectations about these parts of our lives, and if we felt free to talk about negative experiences as well as positive, we could enjoy all of them more.

As my children grow into adulthood, I have to be ready for them to tell me how I may have hurt them. I need to be open enough to learn about who I am through their eyes. As they mature I must as well. Just as I demand their respect, I also need to show it. And part of that is taking their understanding of me seriously. To be flexible enough to face the truth of my impact on them, and realize that maybe at times I need to reexamine my mothering. But not because I feel insecure about some trend in parenting I think I should be implementing — but because of real life moments. I know there are flaws in my mothering, of course there are, but I can’t fear or deny them. I don’t have the ridiculous expectation of doing everything right. My only goal is to raise a few people I want to be friends with for the rest of my life, and who feels the same about me.

 I feel for moms in a situation like this. I just hope those moms get help as soon as they can. 

Welcome To The World Baby!

I had one baby shower hosted by my oldest sister, at Club 26. It was the community party place during the 90’s. A few of my classmates were there, my friends from the community, even a few church folks and of course folks that just wandered in. My sister had everyone record greetings and well wishes for me.

It was great!

Years later we had a ” Welcome To The World” ceremony. It was a celebration of birth, but more intimate, inclusive and spiritual.

To this day, I still don’t recall what influenced me to have one, as no one else I ever knew had done it before. Yet, the more I researched it, the more I knew it was the right for our family.

Eaim was born during a very stressful time. We had just lost Mia and all of our previous births, after my 1st born, were girls. So I didn’t know what we were having.The children and I had a church family, but my husband would rather study religion at home.

GENERAL Welcome to The World Content

  • For a newborn baby there will usually be a naming, which identifies the child as a unique individual. Often, the meaning of the name is explained.
  • The family and the community welcome newborn and accept joint
    responsibility for raising it. (This is done various ways)
  • As part of the ceremony, items used in everyday life are presented to the child as symbolic gifts.
  • Participants can each write a message in a book for the child to read in later years
  • A tree can be planted that will grown along with the present symbolic gifts as keepsakes
  • Ends with a very sweet moment. Dad raise newborn in the air to introduce him by name to the ancestors and community. (I fell BACK in love w/my husband right then & there!)
  • A feast, and maybe dancing will be enjoyed.

I planned Eaim’s. It was a genuine Baby Naming Ceremony. This guy left the hospital without a name. It freaked our family out! We selected his name 2 months later, and officially registered him 9 months after that.

I know a few friends who are not religious and feel unsure about how they can celebrate their newborn’s birth. It’s difficult when you attend baby showers, baptisms, etc. for other people’s children and feel that you or your child may have missed out on something just because you don’t wish to celebrate in a religious way. If that’s you or a loved one, listen up. There are so many options out there.Find one that works for you. Our favorite happens to be straight from the motherland.  I would love to officiate one soon.

I think I have my first guinea pig client . She is a new member of my

mom’s group. Can you say super excited? See you around!

~QCSupermom

This link shares details most like mine was actually done.

9 reasons to have 9 children

First off, let me say this: Nine children is not the best idea for everyone! Some days I wonder if I am sane for having so many children. Then I wake up, look at them and get reassured that yes, I was born for this. Here’s why. 130201-065653

chf-cartoon-kids

” How can you say there are too many children? That is like saying there are too many flowers. (Mother Teresa)”

 

9 reasons to have 9 kids

1. You can never hear “I love you mom!” enough and know that it’s 100% meaningful.

2. I’ll always have (another female) to share a spa date with, even if I have to cover the bill.

3.Someone to always share your interest’s with. While doing so, you maybe helping them find their calling….. or not! At least they will have a skill set. 

Moms must have a sense of humor to survive. :)

Moms must have a sense of humor to survive. 🙂

4. You can start a business and have enough staff to work all positions, and will practically guarantee low turnover. Total win! Responsibility will be learned if nothing else. 

5.Someone to get in trouble with. There will always be that one child that makes being naughty so much fun. My son encourages me to eat naughty food with pride.

6.Children makes life matter. There will be 9 reasons to behave and do your very best for and by them.  I no longer park in the handicap space for quick trips to the grocery store.

7. Someone to always play basketball/flag ball or start a band with. What a way to guarantee exercise right?

roger

8. Someone’s always there to listen, challenge you, disobey anyway. Then come back and say that you were right all along. This part comes with wisdom. If you haven’t gotten there yet, just wait it’s coming.

9. If you garden, you’ll have enough help to grow your own food or at least most of it. You can’t be upset with Monsanto. So we can beat them! Many hands make the work light.

10. BONUS~ When your children grow up and move away to other states, you’ll never have to pay for hotel stays again on choice. cooking with kids show

Word on the web is there is a lady questioning the substance of being married and have children. I won’t give her much shine on this topic. But I will say this. Being the mother of 9/ 8 living productive child, that is either in college or being home-schooled is a rewarding  success. My husband is a military veteran. He challenges me on a daily basis. But guess what, I love it. I know that he loves our huge family, me and our life. It’s because of this love, value and Queen City Stay At Home Moms that I am  a happy, well balanced mom. And for the record, to be able to do all of this proves that there is a god that has a great sense of humor.  

In a big family the first child is kind of like the first pancake. If it’s not perfect, that’s okay, there are a lot more coming along. Antonin Scalia

Love the children, no matter how many you have! Create them GREAT!

~ QC Supermommama

Friday Four: The Dog Doula

I have a new client and yes, it’s a dog. Not what I had in mind for my sixth client, but hey you take lemons and make a yummy big cup of tea with it. A birth is a birth.

Same blood, pushing, waiting and excitement! But there are some differences between the two. Here’s four:

1. Star will have just nine weeks of pregnancy. (You should see the look on my face when I learned that) We can go for 10 months and these wild things only get 9 weeks? Thanks God.

2. Star won’t need a larger fitting wardrobe. My daughter wants to dress her up so bad. I may let her do something simple. Making certain not to pissed Star off too much. A I’ve learned that she is entering into a whelping stage (relative to a human moms nestling)

I added that picture because her puppies should look like that. Star is a small,  white haired,albino terrier.

I added that picture because her puppies should look like that. Star is a small, white haired,albino terrier.

3. We can’t put child support on the pappy! Yes, dogs cost! I already have great homes for at of them. If she has more, we” that’s more work for me. We can’t afford to keep them.

4. It’s normal for Star to eat her placenta right smack there during delivery. I heard that will be a moment that I may want to look the other way for.

 

Fortunately dogs are much better equipped to deal with the whole birthing process than humans are. My role will be confined to making sure she is comfortable, watching from a sensitive distance, and only intervening if something goes seriously wrong

Well there’s a first for everything. Seems that my dog will have a doula.

(A birth doula /BIRTH ATTENDANT-

 (pronounced ‘doo-la’) is a Greek word meaning ‘woman servant or caregiver; someone who offers emotional and physical support to a woman and her partner before, during and after childbirth. A doula believes in ‘mothering the mother’, enabling a woman to have the most satisfying experience that she can, from pregnancy and into motherhood.)