Friday Four: Picking Your Hard

It’s no question that life can be hard! In a perfect world we could just wake up thin, with a stacked bank account in awesome health among a happy family answering to awesome friends. But that’s not the case. The truth is, you HAVE TO Work —- HARD. You have to pick which hard you want.

dependant child

I told her to pick her hard. If she stays there and continue to do her best in each class, in spite of the fact that she’s not popular there with the students or teachers, she would graduate with a quality education and also come out with a skill set many lack today. And that’s awareness of ‘color braveness.’

https://www.youtube.com/attribution_link?a=vJRoN5lTnYU&u=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DoKtALHe3Y9Q%26feature%3Dplayer_embedded

One of my friends studied nonprofit management and African American studies. Today she works at a highly regarded women advocacy nonprofit that identifies and injustices for all colors. I don’t think she had an easy time during her college years, but I know that she is enjoying the fruits of her labor now.  I still wonder why would a white woman choose to  go that path, but obviously it was in her to be a source of refuge.

life tips

I maybe wrong but I see many adults today, take can not handle emotional pressures or extreme life challenges because they never had to face any growing up. I don’t want to be that mom. I want to provide a “Ring Pass Not”. A controlled study for better words. Right now, they feel isolated, ignored and degraded for 7 hours five days a week.

When they get home, they are so grateful to be among their family and back in their comfort zone. I loathe hearing the stories they share.  But I will send them both back the next day. Mostly because it’s two of them there and I know nothing will happen that I haven’t prepared them for already. They both are articulate and self empowered enough to report any significant abuse,have cell phones and know simple self defense moves.

advice life test I believe that she will be a better person for it. Standing through diversity, educational, social and  challenges will give her the refinement she needs to handle larger obstacles in life. My husband noted “Do your work. So what if you are not popular with the other students or helped by the teachers there. You’ll be okay, as long as they don’t touch you.”

sheros never quit

Life can be  hard.  When you read the press you only read the glamorous bits.  You read about Oprah Winfrey or the Williams tennis sisters, Shonda Rhimes, or the BET company,  .  But that’s a bit like reading about your state lottery winner and feeling bummed out because you haven’t won despite years of trying.  The reality is that most of you will never hit it BIG yet you’ll lead fulfilled and productive lives. But you have to get up every day and make an effort  EVERYDAY.

Pick your hard! If you fall along the way, get back up again! It’s NOT TOO LATE!

Have more brain candy before you leave- Read this!  This one here, I will share with my daughters. I want them to see more woman that look like them progressing.

Have A Great Weekend, Jabela, QC Supermom

THiS DAY IN HISTORY:
#NeverForget: Sept. 11 Marks 14th Anniversary of Terrorist Attacks in US
On the morning of Sept. 11, 2001, terrorists hijacked four airplanes and crashed into the World Trade Center in New York City, the Pentagon and near Shanksville, Penn., resulting in 2,996 deaths.
I remember where I was. I had my baby daughters with me in East Charlotte in strip mall. I heard about it from the radio announcer & thought it was a joke. Some one mentioned that the attack might include Charlotte and I panicked.  I grabbed my daughters up in one arm and jumped back in the car away from the downtown area.
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Depression: When the music changes, so does the dance

Mental illness is real and should not be taken lightly. This is the second beautiful soul to leave this Earth, that I know of this year. Monday was such a sad day. I felt a real lost! Everyone should feel like they have someone on their side with resources to talk to because they do. My hands are up in the air!!!!You know someone with mentla illness and it's alright.

Have I ever been depressed? YES. At least 4 times a year. For different reasons, at different times of the year. Many do not know, but I lost my 11yr old daughter in 2005. She was just 11 years old and yes, my world changed that cold dark morning in October- days before my 30th birthday. It was unexpected and heartbreaking. A year later, my mom, my best friend transitioned too. My husband is not the friendliest at all times, (poor thing, is a veteran and came home with PTSD), my money isn’t either. My amazing children do not always do what I expect from them all of the time. Even on a more personal level, I can’t loose and keep off the weight, no matter how well I eat and stay on the go. Live is full of challenges. I don’t know if I’m coming or going at times myself!

Why I never harmed myself: Good question, I still can’t figure it out. Grace and mercy I guess! Going from a well paying corporate career to a stay at home mom is a big adjustment. I have 8 living kids that truly need me, a bright future that I’ve worked so hard to grow, and most of all, I want to see my children become productive adults.

Depression is the most common form of mental illness, affecting more than a quarter of Americans at some point in their lives.

Depression is the most common form of mental illness, affecting more than a quarter of Americans at some point in their lives.

When I heard the news of Titi, I came across a post by my friend, LaQuita Bullock, a mental health activist. She shared:

Mental illness is REAL! So many of our people suffer in silence afraid of judgment and criticism. Its ok to get help! Its ok to not be ok! If you feel like you have no where to go or that you just don’t feel right, go get help. People with diabetes seek help, people with high blood pressure seek help! They take medicines and try to help themselves get better. Why can’t it be that way with a mental health issue?! I have spoken to psychiatrist, been diagnosed and I’m still living! Its not a shield of doom to have a mental illness. Anxiety attacks, uncontrollable mood swings,flash backs that scare you for days, depression so bad the only out you feel there is is death! But I sought help! I didn’t let mfs tell me what I needed. I just did what I needed to do for me and my family. Now I help others, and it feels good! Were going to break this stigma especially in minority communities. Its ridiculous to look down on someone for something they can’t help! It aint the devil, we aint crazy, you just STUPID! Step up your knowledge game.
My page on mental illness and I’m here if people want info or help. Message me on my page. This was such a huge loss. Rest with angels Miss Titi
Www.Facebook.com/minoritymentalillness 

Karyn Washington- blogger/activist

“I wish someone had told Karyn Washington that she didn’t have to be strong.” – @gorgeousingrey

NOT one more!!!!!

To learn more about suicide and the state of mental health in the Black community, click the links below:Titi Branch, one of the co-founders of the wildly successful natural hair care line

Why We Need to Call Suicide What It Is

The Fight Against Black Depression Continues

Friends, family, strangers and all between,  remember this, however long the night, the dawn Will break! Get help now. Please seek help National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 – QC Supermom

Stop The Stigma of Mental Illness

Wednesday Wow: Getting past postpartum depression (prt2)

On last week, I share 1/3 of of my series on postpartum depression. I hope you liked it. Here’s part 2. Feel free to share and add your business information if you supply servicesw for this illness.

  1. 30 minutes of sunlight per day.

    I have met too many moms beating themselves up with guilt and shame because postpartum depression has a grasp on their JOY. I feel it weighing on my heart to share this message and take a stand. I want moms to know they’re not alone in this struggle. Let’s shake the shame, lose the guilt and help these moms take back their JOY♥   Please LIKE and SHARE if you or someone you know is or has been affected by postpartum depression. visit www.postpartumprogress.com for answers and support from experts and fellow moms.

    I have met too many moms beating themselves up with guilt and shame because postpartum depression has a grasp on their JOY. I feel it weighing on my heart to share this message and take a stand. I want moms to know they’re not alone in this struggle. Let’s shake the shame, lose the guilt and help these moms take back their JOY♥
    Please LIKE and SHARE if you or someone you know is or has been affected by postpartum depression. visit http://www.postpartumprogress.com for answers and support from experts and fellow moms.

  2. Take time with your appearance, grooming, self care. Looking good and caring for your body can help you feel better.
  3. Nurture yourself. What feeds your soul or makes you feel wonderful? Do these things, go to these places.
  4. Keep to a routine. It can be a daily routine or a weekly routine. Even seasonal “routines,” activities or rituals done at particular times around the year, strengthen our sense of rhythmicity and resilience.
  5. Laugh regularly and hard. Visit with people who make you laugh, read your favorite humorous web sites, or watch a TV show that always provides a chuckle. When turning to youtube or the internet, set a timer, and after 30 minutes move on to activities in which you connect with someone you can physically interact with and touch. The internet is wonderful, but during times of depression it can actually serve to further isolate us by creating connection experiences that don’t involve all of the senses through which true attachment is built.
  6. Pray or meditate. Spiritual transformation and growth are a common part of the transition to parenthood. So much about your life has changed. This impacts your control in the world, as well as meaning, purpose, and identity. Exploring spiritual significance is a healthy means of integrating motherhood or fatherhood into who you are.
  7. Sing. Songs can express any emotion and may be used either to release emotions you are feeling or to create in you emotions you are reaching for.dot
  8. Listen to a variety of music.
  9. Spend time with other adults. Talk with supportive and understanding people. Perspective, normalization, and community are essential for the new parent.
  10. Keep a journal. Express your thoughts and feelings by writing them out.
  11. Get involved in the outside world. Help others. There are volunteer programs that welcome parent-baby pairs. Call your local nursing home and ask about opportunities for visitation with healthy residents.
  12. Find a support group. Local birth doulas, midwives, and childbirth educators should be able to help you find a postpartum depression support group in your area.
  13. Use essential oils for depression. To a warm bath or to 2 ½ T massage oil (such as grapeseed oil or almond oil) add 2 drops neroli, 2 drops petitgrain, and 2 drops orange oil. Enjoy a massage or soak for 10-15 minutes. These three oils come from three parts of the orange tree: the flowers, leaves and twigs, and the fruit. The wholeness of them when used together restores balance. Bergamot, jasmine, neroli or clary sage are also recommended for postpartum blues.**
  14. Use essential oils for fatigue. To encourage deep rest – 3 drops of lavender, marjoram, or roman chamomile in a warm bath before rest. To create a sense of more energy: 2-3 drops of geranium or bergamot and 2-3 drops of rosemary to a morning bath or in a bowl of water or a fragrance burner to scent a room: 2-4 drops of any of the following: petitgrain, geranium, mandarin, rose, bergamot, ylang-ylang, lemon, lavender, or rosemary. Especially recommended is a combination of lemon and geranium.** t

** Any time you are adding essential oils to water it is best to first add them to a small amount of milk, and then add the milk to the water. This helps the oils bind to the milk and prevents chemical skin irritation from direct contact with the strong oils.

Wednesday Wow: Getting past Postpartum (prt3)

This is the third part in the series. Let’s look at the help from Integrative Natural Health Practitioners

 

In addition to the natural postpartum depression remedies you can use on your own, integrative natural healthcare provides can provide powerful natural remedies for postpartum depression. The following are a list of some different natural modalities and how they might help with postpartum depression.

  • Massage Therapy: Deeply relaxing. Helps manage physical pain and the impacts of stress.
  • Acupuncture: Deeply relaxing. Helps resolve pain and imbalances such as disturbed thyroid function.
  • Cranial Sacral Therapy: Deeply relaxing. Light touch, fully clothed. Supports the parasympathetic nervous system, thereby stopping an inappropriate stress response, and provides overall support to your body’s innate healing and balancing abilities.
  • Reiki: Deeply relaxing, fully clothed. Helps manage physical discomforts, stress, anxiety, depression, and feelings such as guilt or inadequacy.
  • Yoga: Restores, rejuvenates, and releases bodily held tension. May create community. Many postpartum yoga classes welcome babies. In some areas, you can find yoga classes specifically for emotional balance or postpartum depression.
  • Wellness Coaching: Can help you figure out how to make the life style changes that will support your wellbeing.
  • Nutritionist/Herbalist/Naturopathic Doctor/Homeopathic Practitioner: These professionals are able to assess diet, thyroid, estrogen and progesterone levels, and more to make appropriate nutrient recommendations in the form of foods, supplements, or bio-identical hormones. Their training, certification, and licensing varies widely among practitioner and state. An ND, or licensed naturopathic doctor, is a medical doctor who approaches the body as a whole interconnected system, and uses homeopathics, botanical and other other natural and lifestyle medicine. They are not licensed for primary care in every state, but their training is extensive and phenomenal no matter where they practice. If you cannot find an ND, ask carefully about experience with postpartum depression and always discuss all treatments you are pursing with your primary medical care provider as well.

    I have met too many moms beating themselves up with guilt and shame because postpartum depression has a grasp on their JOY. I feel it weighing on my heart to share this message and take a stand. I want moms to know they’re not alone in this struggle. Let’s shake the shame, lose the guilt and help these moms take back their JOY♥   Please LIKE and SHARE if you or someone you know is or has been affected by postpartum depression. visit www.postpartumprogress.com for answers and support from experts and fellow moms.

    I have met too many moms beating themselves up with guilt and shame because postpartum depression has a grasp on their JOY. I feel it weighing on my heart to share this message and take a stand. I want moms to know they’re not alone in this struggle. Let’s shake the shame, lose the guilt and help these moms take back their JOY♥
    Please LIKE and SHARE if you or someone you know is or has been affected by postpartum depression. visit http://www.postpartumprogress.com for answers and support from experts and fellow moms.

When to see your doctor or a mental health professional

  • It’s never too soon! Any time you have health concerns talking with professionals may be a huge help and a comprehensive treatment plan is important.
  • If your symptoms persist beyond two weeks.
  • If your symptoms are worsening.
  • If your symptoms are severe to the point where they impact your ability to take care of yourself or your baby, give rise to thoughts of harming yourself or your baby, or make you feel desperate.
  • To test for physical causes such as thyroid function or changes in blood volume

Tips for getting past postpartum depression

PostPartum despression is real. I have had nine babies and I think with at least 4 of them I wanted out. I got past it. It’s normal. Stop beating yourself up. Here is a list to help. I have made a 3 part series on this. So don’t miss out. Help is available.

I have met too many moms beating themselves up with guilt and shame because postpartum depression has a grasp on their JOY. I feel it weighing on my heart to share this message and take a stand. I want moms to know they’re not alone in this struggle. Let’s shake the shame, lose the guilt and help these moms take back their JOY♥   Please LIKE and SHARE if you or someone you know is or has been affected by postpartum depression. visit www.postpartumprogress.com for answers and support from experts and fellow moms.

I have met too many moms beating themselves up with guilt and shame because postpartum depression has a grasp on their JOY. I feel it weighing on my heart to share this message and take a stand. I want moms to know they’re not alone in this struggle. Let’s shake the shame, lose the guilt and help these moms take back their JOY♥
Please LIKE and SHARE if you or someone you know is or has been affected by postpartum depression. visit http://www.postpartumprogress.com for answers and support from experts and fellow moms.

Natural Remedies for Postpartum Depression

  1. Get extra rest.
    • Practice excellent sleep hygiene. If you have supportive adults in your life, make sure they know what good sleep hygene is and enlist their assistance setting up these patterns for yourself. They can offer you help with baby or household care to create time for you to rest, or you can be accountable to them for putting these practices into place.
    • Find formulas that are not habit forming and they are not contraindicated when taking other medications. And safe for breastfeeding.
    • Do not use over the counter sleep aids or natural supplements such as melatonin or valerian without the guidance of your healthcare provider. These can interfere with your body’s ability to re-regulate your sleep cycles and are not safe with all medications.
  2. Eat well. Nutrients make a huge difference in your body’s ability to regulate hormones and bio-states. During times of stress, change, and healing, your body uses excess nutrients. You need these vital components to balance your hormones and support neuro-transmitters.
    • Eat lots of dark leafy greens, whole grains, and other fruits and vegetables to assure that you are getting an adequate supply of the vitamins and minerals your body needs.
    • Molasses and nutritional yeast are foods that can boost your B vitamins, essential to stress management.
    • Eating one Brazil nut per day will give you a selenium boost which is helpful for fighting depression.
    • Turkey, often know for its sleep-inducing effects at Thanksgiving, provides calming.
    • Protein will help your body restore after depletion.t
  3. Reduce stress. Reducing stress can take two forms: prevention, and release.
    • Do every preventative measure in your control – say no to social or family functions you don’t have the energy for, turn down unnecessary obligations, ask others to pick up responsibilities that you currently carry. There may be a wealth of people in your life who are willing to help if you ask. Brainstorm who these people may be, make specific plans for when and how to ask them for help, and enlist a loved one to help you overcome any hesitations you have in asking for help.
    • Releases stress is a different task. Make a personal top ten list of stress-releasers, post it where you can see it, and put stress release activities into place whenever you feel your stress point rising! Rescue Remedy is a natural remedy that can be taken under the tongue or in water when you experience sudden or pronounced stressful feelings, or before entering a known stress-inducing situation. It is not contraindicated when using other medications or for breastfeeding. imagesCAF0HMIE
  4. Practice deep relaxation exercises. There are many deep relaxation aids that are deeply effective, and having one or two in your home, kept in a visible location, will prompt you to use them. Try to make a daily habit of spending at least 5 minutes intentionally practicing deep relaxation. Ask a loved one to keep you accountable, and to help with baby care to make this possible. Some aids you may purchase are a meditation CD, miracle balls to release held tension, a still-point inducer, or an acupressure mat. If you want to practice deep relaxation without buying anything, try taking long slow breaths from your lower belly while laying on the floor, sitting by a window and staring out to a mid-distance without focus, or taking a long warm, not hot, bath.
  5. Get exercise every day. Aim for at least 90 minutes a week. Research confirms that 5-10 minute bursts are just as effective as longer stretches, as long as the overall exercise time adds up. So pick up your baby and put on some dance tunes or park at the outer edge of the parking lot to get in more walking.

 

Part 2 will be available on next weeks Wednesday Wow Post. There are 3 in this series. I hope it helps someone! If  you are a professional that supplies services to help a mom dealng with such illness, please post your business info below. Thanks!

Wednesday Wow: When Being a Mama Aint Easy

I don’t ever recall a time that I suffered from severe depression, but I have known the isolation of being a stay at home mom with no close neighbors, friends, or family. So when I read my friends post this morning, I had absolutely nothing to say beside, I love you and I am here for you. She is a member of my stay at home moms group and we just recently began karaoke night at a local “bar” just to get out and do something out of the box for us moms.So it was indeed a surprise to see that she was so depressed. robin-williams

As I read what others shared, I had no clue that so many sahm felt the same way. I share most of it here.

~You said what I think needed to be said. Robin’s fight with depression highlighted emotions that I have been hiding and battling, too. Tracy, your post hits the nail on the head: we all are hiding it and trying to keep everyone else happy while we are hurting. Thank you for writing this.

 

~Another mom friend- Well put. I too hide in my darker times because it’s hard to deal enough, I don’t need any extra. I love you and I’m here if you need

yello rope

-Another mom friend – My help comes from God and His great love for me. You can’t drift too far from his care.

~Another mom friend – I completely understand what you mean. I feel so hypocritical sometimes when I say “I’m fine”

 

~Another mom friend- This is not the first post I’ve seen to this effect. I’m glad Williams’ death has given those who wouldn’t ordinarily speak up a platform. Also, it was brave of you to share, so thank you.  depr

FROM: “Mrs Mom Friend”- I want to follow on from my post about the need for understanding depression and pain that so many go through at any given time. It has lost a bit of its stigma- you likely know at least a few friends who have been to counseling or who have needed anti-depressants. What nearly none of its know is that people we care about or see each day could be struggling without us even knowing.

We could even be close, but because no one wants to be the downer (especially if they have felt like one in the past), we could literally be standing 2 feet apart, both needing someone, anyone to connect and what is keeping us from giving hope to each other with even just a few words or a hug is only fear.

I do not hide the fact that I have had major issues with depression since I was 13 that continue to this day. What I usually do hide is just how bad it could and did get, for months and even years. How many times can you feel like you can reach out and still have anyone want to speak to you?

So as not to be a hypocrite when I say please let someone know when you are struggling, I am struggling. Some days are better than others. This is certainly not the darkest things have ever been by any stretch, but I have hidden how difficult it has been to be nearly always alone with my daughter whom I love dearly. Everyone around me is busy. Of course they are. The world is busy. Yet, I feel alone and like I can’t talk about it or anything else, feel like I can’t ask for friendship connection without being horribly selfish or annoying or bothersome or that obligatory person they’d rather sidestep but are too polite to say so, so I withdraw. I withdraw and am afraid to ask for anything anymore, and most of the time I can deal with that but sometimes it hurts like a bitch and that raw space opens right back up.

I’m fighting myself on posting this. There is what will people think and the fear of responses and the bigger fear of no response. However, I would like the world to be a little brighter and a little less lonely and worrying for all of us, and we can’t hold our hands out to each other if we can’t be just honest enough to say, “Hey, it’s kinda hard right now. You there?”

On the other side, I’d personally like to help you hang in there a bit easier even if it was just a bad day, or even if it’s something you can’t shake from 40 years of living. We weren’t made to be isolated creatures. We were meant to connect and care.

Is this a totally weird freaking post? Are you eye-rolling out there? Probably, but even in my clumsy, disorganized rambling, I thought it was important to say, even if only to one person who needs to hear. ——  “Mrs Mom Friend”

http://www.today.com/health/robin-williams-effect-could-suicides-follow-stars-death-1D80057826

One very important thing to keep in mind is that a good 75 percent of clinically depressed people don’t get diagnosed or treated for it, DePaulo says.

I did some research and learned that “People in a depressed mood often do not have the energy to look for help,” Maidenberg explains. “They may have the idea but not the energy to find help.”

It’s important for people to recognize that most depressed people don’t end up killing themselves. “Longitudinal cohort studies have shown that less than 10 percent of people with clinical depression die as a result of suicide,” Crosby says. “That means that 90 percent die from something else.”

But if your loved one is resistant to getting help, “you need to firmly, but gently, remind the person that as bad as it may feel at a given time, depression tends to pass. Suicidal thoughts always pass. They may return, but you have to have the courage to wait till they go away.”

In closing, I love my friend,and don’t want to loose her to this disorder. She’s an incredible mom and enjoy going to karaoke with her. It’s the only thing I can offer her beside our common stay at home moms group activities.  Any other tips beside these?

 

Need help? Seek it here:

Suicude LifeLine

CALL the hotline -1-800-273-TALK (8255)

 Crisis Hotline

Friday Four: There’s NO Shame in getting help.

Another Queen gone way to soon! The Baltimore native and Morgan State University student was a visionary advocate for black women and girls passed away at 22 from an apparent SUICIDE. Yes, it happened almost 2 weeks ago. But I’m sharing it because not everyone knows about it, AND because I know depression is real.

#KarynWashington; creator of For Brown Girls.

#KarynWashington; creator of For Brown Girls.

I was fortunate to always have a supportive role model to approach for insight and guidance. Even when I didn’t know I needed the attention, I got it. Karyn had thousands of fans, but obviously no one she felt close enough to confide in. She was indeed strong, but strong people also need support.

No attack on the church. I’m just saying that sometimes you need a good ole couch, a strong ear and a voice of wisdom.

I Almost Let Go Kurt Carr

Things You Can Do: As moms, it’s our job to always be available to listen and call in help as needed.

  • Help remove the stigma and myths that suicide contradicts gender and cultural expectations: Religious stigma of suicide as the “unforgivable sin”; African American men are “hard” and do not take their own lives; African American women are always strong and resilient and never crack under pressure
  • Remove stigma associated with seeking and receiving mental health treatment
  • Know that “tired” is a word moms often use to express hopelessness, depression
  • Recognize warning signs and help a friend or family member get professional help

Karyn Washington was suffering and battling with depression & dealing with the death of her mother. Even the strongest women may be hurting inside. Never underestimate the power of mental illness & depression. Find time to talk to the ones you love. Rest in Peace #KarynWashington; creator of For Brown Girls. If you or anyone you know is in danger of harming themselves click here for resources and someone you can talk to.