Friday Four: Order, Order Order in the house!

4 Benefits of Using Routines with Your Kids

We have a large family. For us to function, we must have order. Over time I realized that for me to even think of any morsel of semi private bath time, I needed more structure. Alas…. routines became a must. And when it did, it was like a light switch came on. Now not only do our home run smoother, there’s less melt downs, and more happy time. Here are my four tips for creating and using routines.

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1. Routines eliminate power struggles This activity (brushing teeth, napping, turning off the TV to come to dinner) is just what we do at this time of day. Another example, he may want to go to the playground now, but he can learn that we always go to the playground in the afternoon, and he can look forward to it then. The parent stops being the bad guy, and nagging is greatly reduced.

2. Routines help kids learn to take charge of their own activities. Over time, kids learn to brush their teeth, pack their backpacks, etc., without constant reminders.  Kids love being in charge of themselves. This feeling increases their sense of mastery and competence.  Kids who feel more independent and in charge of themselves have less need to rebel and be oppositional.

4.. Schedules help parents maintain consistency in expectations. If everything is a fight, parents end up settling: more TV, skip brushing teeth for tonight, etc.  With a routine, parents are more likely to stick to healthy expectations for everyone in the family, because that’s just the way we do things in our household.  The result: a family with healthy habits, where everything runs more smoothly!

2 of my daughters hiding from the camera.

2 of my daughters & youngest son 

 

Here are more help with the benefits of providing structure.

Listen to what General Colin Powell says about maintaining structure in young people.

Don’t you just LOVE routines? Till the next regular post, QC Supermom

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Breastfeeding Awareness And What Else

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Created By QC Supermom

August is National Breastfeeding Awareness Month. Did you know that?

Is BREASTFEEDING AWARENESS ENOUGH?

It’s been a year since the Charlotte NC Library fiasco.( See story here) I remember like it was yesterday. I sat in the library covered and was told to leave my seat to go into a 8×8 box to feed my son. Needless to say, that bird did not fly. Not only did I tell her she had no right to stop me from getting my work done at the library, but she also was violating my right to nurse my child. The nerves right?

Safe Libraries  encourage me to call them out for the suckers they are on NIP.

I choose to feed him in                              dignity!

What was most surprising was the fact the enforcer sent two ladies to me TWICE before confronting me. When she did approach me, she asked me some of the most ignorant questions ever! The way I see it, a less trained mom would have snatched her baby from the boob and threw it back in her shirt, in shame, quicker than you could say peep show.That older African American supervisor had no clue that she was speaking to a empowered advocate of breastfeeding. I’m so happy it was me and I stood my ground. I know that the benefits of nursing my baby out ways any healthy baby parasite. A real change needs to be made. The Health Department here in Charlotte NC has taken great steps to encourage breast feeding, but more progress could easily be made. 

Beautiful Poem called “Embarrassed”  -click it!    'baby's stomach

 

1. Provide more positive mentors. I’ve learned that many young moms refuse to breastfeed because no one ever told them, showed them that it was ok, and that it is better than the most expensive sneakers they could ever put on them. Keep programs like  the WIC BreastFeeding Peer group installed in the community.

2. Better representation – Is it just me or do you appreciate seeing people that look like you …..sometimes? It’s just another way of putting myself in the picture. Some people needs that visual. Mrs. B made the cover of a breastfeeding brochure but she wasn’t smiling. Yes, I looked. Can we see happy, loving married moms, single moms, siblings even moms of various color tandem nursing?

S.C. BreastfeedingCard

3. Install Value – Many females have been told their body is for sex only. SEX is a incredible thing, but that’s only half it’s for. Our bodies are a source of life. From our breast, ears, mouths, hearts, womb, eyes, arms, lap, legs and feet.

4. Real support from real moms – Le Lache, The United States Breastfeeding Committee,   U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, they are great information services but fail as sources for interventions and grassroots advocacy. On Face Book, you’ll see hundreds of breastfeeding groups that will jump at protecting, uplifting and spiritually supporting an oppressed nursing mom. Imagine if they were trained. What a sisterhood of force to be reckoned with!

Breastfeeding moms need more than a healthy start. They need progressive long term support long after we give birth. How else would she know how to respond to an NIP

( nursing in public) attacker if no one teaches her?

Even after delivery moms with little support NEED to be told to keep going. It's get better. The colostrum is enough. His tummy is very small right now.

Even after delivery moms with little support NEED to be told to keep going. It’s get better. The colostrum is enough. His tummy is very small right now. 

Watch this rap video….. it’s really good and I even don’t like rap!

Well, time to feed Noah, Take Care- QC Supermom

B R E A S T F E E D

B R E A S T F E E D

Wednesday Wow: Your mom should have told you.

I follow the Mom Rules/Code to be the best mom I can be.  I'm not competing with anyone but myself.

I follow the Mom Rules/Code to be the best mom I can be. I’m not competing with anyone but myself.

Let’s talk about those  MOM Codes?

Is it just me or does it seem like mothers are not getting enough support? In a perfect world every mom has a mentor. Their mentor ensures that they follow the mom codes. What? You never heard of the mom codes?

Basically, it’s a bunch of unwritten rules that all moms, well most moms should follow to help get them through those trying mom child rearing times.  As they surly will come. Here is a few from the book. Feel free to share them and add your own.

Never under estimate the power of doing for others!

Never under estimate the power of doing for others!

-Have your own. Go ahead and be independent.As a parent, I want you be. By legal and ethical means of course.

-Have your own opinions and thoughts. Being a puppet is hard work.

-Never, “Throw the brick and hide your hand.” It could be the difference in a friend laughing with you and you loosing total respect.

-Let the kids go out to play AND resolve problems on their own. Now, with computers and TV, they lack the skills to communicate. They don’t know how to get past hurt feelings without telling the teacher and having her fix it. Parents stay out of it. (this goes for the small ones)Don't always be a consumer

-Always be grateful! People don’t like it when you start to smell yourself.

-Your words have power. Don’t be a fool and cross yourself up.

-Breastfeeding is normal! If you can do it. Don’t give it a second thought. It’s a miracle, liquid gold. Feed your child

-Value your time. If you don’t no one else will.

-Say what you mean and mean what you say.

-Volunteer! There is no other way to show thanks to God for giving you the ability to help others.

-Be able to say you’re sorry and mean it.

(I am on a roll huh?)

-How to handle gossip. Never take off your lip gloss for a toad.

-Learn a marketable craft and know how to get paid doing it. Jobs are NOT promised at birth.

-Dress for the weather. PLEASE!

-If you go to a funeral. Go to see other family and friends knowing that the spirit of the loved one has already left the body. After all, do you really want to remember them like that?

-Don’t bring men in and out of your child’s home like it’s a gym. That’s just tacky.

-Clean up after your self. May it be the social, business or spiritual.

Enjoy your children! Find fun ways to say I love having you as my child.

Enjoy your children! Find fun ways to say I love having you as my child.

-Learn how to prepare a healthy meal (or 5)!

-You can’t receive anything with a closed mind, hand or heart.

-Compassion is not a bad thing, but show too much too soon and people may take advantage of you…To be effective you must get in the habit of not always worrying about what other people are thinking of you. Be firm and clear about what you want then give them the opportunity to have their say.

-You have two ears and one mouth for a reason…

-Instill better manners than ‘please’, ‘thank you’ and ‘excuse me’ 

Look up when people enter the room. Go to the door when someone leaves. Well, that it for now.

You don’t poach another mom’s nanny.   • You don’t flirt with another mom’s husband.   • If you are driving your child and someone else’s child and you only have one booster seat, you give it to the other kid.   • And finally, you don’t give living things to other people’s children as birthday party favors.
You don’t poach another mom’s nanny.
• You don’t flirt with another mom’s husband.
• If you are driving your child and someone else’s child and you only have one booster seat, you give it to the other kid.
• And finally, you don’t give living things to other people’s children as birthday party favors.

 Till the next chapter, QC Supermom

Wednesday Wow: Dear Mom of the “Potty Mouth Child.”

Dear mom of Little Jean, today I seen Little Jean cursing, yelling, arguing, ignoring his teacher, refusing requests, name-calling, hitting……

I know you think it’s cute and everything but, trust me, it’s gonna wear out really soon.

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Trust me. No one wants to be “that mom” who has….”that child” but how you train them makes a world of difference. Allowing “Lil Jean” to be snobby or disrespectful, or act like a brat is not cool.( I don’t care how cute you dress them up.) When mine try to waltz down that road, I nip it in the bud by creating innovative ways to help them solve their own problems more respectfully. Yes, I know that you can’t turn them into angels overnight,it take patience. Even if you haven’t been good at setting limits or teaching your child to be respectful along the way, understand that you can decide to parent differently right now.

Correcting is not conclusive to hitting, time out embarrassing. slapping, spanking, and even yelling. 

Amber Dusick summed it up best. See more of her work her.

I laugh at my girls often. After they get upset with me or their dad. I quickly say “I’m not your friend!” If you liked me all of the time, I’m not doing my job, It’s inevitable that at times our kids are going to be angry at us, and that we’re going to set some limits that they don’t like. But that’s okay—that just means we’re doing our job as a parents.

The goal is that you train your child to behave differently. Let’s face it, there’s nothing worse than going through life treating people badly—it won’t help your child function in the real world if she’s allowed to be rude and disrespectful. Kids have to get the message early.punched
Remember, the goal is for kids to be able to function in the real world and go on to be responsible adults who can live on their own. Or do you plan to have them live with you forever? Now is the time to train them as they should be as adults.

 

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If they don’t learn how to be respectful to others growing up, it’s much harder to learn as an adult. Change is hard but it can happen at any time. When you want things to be different, you just have to do some work.

 

I have listed some resources to use, otherwise there is no use for the post- right. Feel free to share it with other moms in need of a gentle reminder. Start with mine that I use with the boys:  I have them introduce themselves to new friends.  “Grandma, this is my friend Sid”, or “Ms. Edwards, I want you to meet my cousin .”

Ten Suggestions on How to Teach Your Children to Behave at Someone Else’s House

This is a great video with tips on how to encourage good behaviors

You gotta check this one out. She even has a fb page where she shares free resources!

Best of luck with that, QC Supermom

Wednesday Wow! Being a SAHM

pinn teachus-001I am a proud mother of 9. Yes, I said NINE. Three short of a nice round dozen. I have been a stay/work at home mom for over ten years now, and have learn to enjoy every minute of it! I love, love, love being with my children and watching them grow every step of the way and I am constantly amazed at the things they do and say-and how quickly they learn. They are like sponges -and constantly absorb the world around them. Yet,

being a stay at home mom is anything but easy. I don’t try to have a perfectly clean house, ironed shirts, or gourmet meals. Walk into my house between 8-noon,you will see my 2 year old writing(on walls) or in front of the TV watching PBS or Nick Jr. You’ll see my 4 year old on his laptop or study book, the 5 year old inside his study book or other manipulatives, the teen girls engaged in their self guided assignments or at the library doing research. By 3, it’s free time till 5:30 dinner and bedtime by 9pm.

romans

 I have been told you have your hands full more times than I would like to have been. Well I do. I go to the market daily. Twice a week we go to story time,Kid Yoga & UNC Charlotte Early Educator learning stations at the library. The 1st Saturday of each month, we go to the Kids Workshop at Home Depot, on Thursdays we eat dinner at Earth Fare (kids eat free*)  and on Mondays, we are at Monkey Joes. Since I also home school, we do a science project every 3 weeks and the remainder off the week are intensive study days. Sundays I’m day off. My husband take over.

Motherhood is a full- time job.  I think the key is making sure you get some grownup talk and support routinely. I am a founding member of Queen City Stay At Home Moms, and it’s wonderful if I do say so myself. Since everyone there was on single income, most of the activities are affordable. Try to find something that you can do that’s just for you, and do it with out the kids. And last but not least, don’t forget to squeeze in a date night with the hubby every once in a while! 😉

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Hopefully, I’ve alleviated some fears of  becoming a productive Stay At Home Mom.  At the end of the day, if given the choice, stay at home!  The financial aspects of it have never been easy, but so far it’s worth all the conservative spending, home made veggie pizza, and the millions of educated play dates we’ve attended. Ultimately, it’s up to each family to decide what is right for them. Just make sure you have a good support group of friends, and try to enjoy every minute with your little ones. They grow up way too fast!

If you know a SAHM or dad, forward them this blog post and consider it a round of 

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applause for all they do. You deserve it!  Well, till the next “boo-boo”, take care,  QC Supermom

My son is home for Spring Break! Happy Mamma on board!

He’s  here! He’s here! My 20 year old college son is here! For many students, college and jkplower grade levels Spring Break is beginning or will be shortly.  This year, I have two in college, my 20 year old sophomore son and my 47 year old husband. Both are very smart fellas, but an entire week home……maybe not the smartest idea.

First thing that came to my mind was what am I gonna do with all the kids and my husband for an entire week. Movies, Date or maybe dancing with my hubby, the sons only, then the girls, get my garden in the back yard carved out and planted….my list is endless. But  when my first born son told me that he didn’t think that he wanted to come home.I was shocked! “Not coming home?”….I didn’t give him that option 🙂  I look forward to seeing, touching and actively listening to him. (Skype and all that stuff just isn’t the same for me) raj him
Ultimately, he arrived, and it felt like my birthday! I was too thrilled to see him! Talk about a happy camper! Now with in 8 hours of him being here things are already as it was before he left last summer. He and the girls are fussing, he and the boys are laughing and playing- the usual is good! Of course It will be bitter sweet when he leaves, so for now, I’ll just sit back and watch all the love flow, shine and sparkle!


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Now if I have you pulling our hair out thinking of what to do for your family during spring break, fret not! There’s still plenty of ways to keep your kids busy while they’re away from school. Here, start with this older post of ideas, then grab your family a few tickets to see the Harlem  Globe Trotter’s! Then join us over at Queen City Stay At Home Moms- Click here!

Now, you’re all set! Give yourself a pat on the back and enjoy a good movie/play. This link will take you to Madea get’s a job, watch it! It’s funny! 

Well, till the next kool aid smile, take care! QC Supermom

jkjp

The Golden Rules 101

disciplineI heard someone asked, “Are children bad mannered because of a lack of affection from parents?”  Her friend answered “No, kids are bad mannered because of lack of discipline and most parents that suck will say that they do discipline but the truth is that they waffle back and forth and scold there kids then feel bad about it and butter the kids up.”

I sort of agree with that,

WE HAVE A 2 YEAR OLD THAT ACTS LIKE HE GETS NO HOME TRAINING. HE LOVES TO YELL “NO!” AND DOES IT FROM THE BOTTOM OF HIS BELLY! (HOW EMBARRASSING) Our  NOW 4 YEAR OLD USED TO DO THE SAME. NOW HE’S A WHOLE LOT BETTER.

I do call kids out on their behavior though. In my home, if kids say things like, “I want a soda!” My response is, “I am sure what you meant was, ‘Mrs. Smith, may I have a soda

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Try to focus on how good the manners made someone else feel not just insisting your child parrot back the magic words

please?” They look at me dumbly for a moment and then they stammer out the phrase. And then we stumble through thank you and you are welcome. When I see kids treating wait staff poorly, I do the same thing. I also do it in front of their parents. 99% of the time the parents are embarrassed when I say, “Sam, please remember to say please and thank you to Lakesha. Mr. Perkins and I come here all the time and I don’t want them giving me a bad table because of you.” And please note, I speak up after multiple transgressions. I do not slam a 6 year old who forgets to say please because he is so excited about the movie he just saw. I speak up when a 10 year old acts like a jerk on many occasions and has never reigned themselves in.

Please, thank you and excuse me. 

Most times reminding our fellas to use magic words do work. Like any learned behavior, manners must be introduced as early as possible and reinforced consistently. In our home, if you can talk, you can use manners. We have them use them everywhere, especially at home, with each other, from us, parent on down; after all charity begins at home. Simple enough, but they will get it and learn about generosity, feelings, thankfulness and meaning.

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SENDING OUT GOOD KARMA WILL BENEFIT ALL ASPECTS OF YOUR CHILD’S LIFE. IF YOU CAN’T BE ANYTHING ELSE, BE NICE. IT WILL COME BACK TO THEM IN SO MANY POSITIVE WAYS.

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Here’s  two GREAT links to check out: Just click on it.

Etiquette Emergency for Bad-Mannered Kids

Setting Boundaries With Toddlers

THANK VERY MUCH FOR STOPPING by- QC Supermom

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We love Monkey Joes!

Amen LOVES Monkey Joe’s!  He should be their spokes person! Go ahead & strat making the call into their head quarters! 🙂GE DIGITAL CAMERA

That says alot for a lil fella that used to go crazy if I’m not with in eye shot of him. Monkey Joes help get him past that stage. I remember it as if it was yesterday.

Now, the minute we step into the play area, he is GONE! And I don’t  worry the least bit about him, here’s why?

1.  They tag each person upon entry. They can’t leave without me, and no one can take him. As attached as my lil Amen is, I wasn’t ever too worried about anyone taking him.

2. The staff ROCKS! They really like their job!!! What more can you ask for????? They will jump in a play with your lil one at the drop of a dime. On a higher level, they are very community connected. They arealways looking for ways to support charities and children!

3.  Monkey Joes is Super-De Duper  clean & safe. Hand sanitizing pods are all through there. The bathrooms have lowered toliet bowels and steps to help lil ones reach the sinks.  Every few minutes comes a pin stripped friend with a broom & stick tray to pick up behind the lil crumb droppers.

4. They always have something going on. Right now they are offering Name Your Price Monday. So here’s what that means. You can take your children. I took all 6 of mine. Think of what you can afford per child*. I  paid $3/child. Then enjoy yourself. We usually stay for 4 hours.  It helps get all of the play out of them. I love it!

Now that it’s cooler out, I plan on hanging out there EVERY Monday! Just can’t beat that with a stick! Well till next time; take care! – QC Supermom

Friday Four: The Secret To Being A Super SAHM

You can be at home and be happy. The choice is yours…………

olgo

I was the guest speaker at a WIC meeting  yesterday, and it was a success!

 I’m still honored yet humbled to be a part of that wonderful learning opportunity. 

 I announced it in Wednesday Wow post.  

Click here if you didn’t read it.- 

The breastfeeding peer counselors wanted to know how to better serve their clients. That means they are open to learn & listen. Our voices were heard! (thank you to all that shared) And we had fun! I even learned something new. Well four things.

1. I speak fast! (I knew that already though)

2.All breastfeeding peer counselors must have children be hold their position and must have breastfed her own children.

3.www.Zipmilk.com  ( a service of state breastfeeding coalitions, providing listings for breastfeeding resources based on ZIP code. ) It now available.

4.  When you decide to be a sahm,and breastfeed, you should not have  any regrets.

This could easily be the shortest post to date as my household is 85% under the weather. And I think from being puked, sneezed and grabbed on all night, I’m about ready for a nap also. This is mentally and physically DRAINING.

“Without counsel, plans go awry, but in the multitude of counselors they are established” (Prov. 15:22). In other words, there is wisdom in the counsel of many. Praying for wisdom in the midst of a difficult decision and seeking wise counsel is, well, wisdom. But ultimately you still have to make the decision yourself.

First make the decision- Any decision that you make causes a chain of events to happen.

Research shows that mothers earn 4 to 15 percent less than non-mothers with comparable jobs and qualifications, that as job candidates, mothers are perceived as less competent and committed than non-mothers. Not sure if those numbers are current, but I do know that business loves stability, motivation to do a good job, productivityand a strong appearance with communications. You will definitely need to upgrade skills.  So here’s what to do.

1.  Find support. A mom’s group that fit’s your needs.  The landscape of support, companionship and resources will amaze you.

2.  Think about pursuing your dreams while you’re home with the baby. Now is a great time to volunteer/practice in that field*.

“You won’t believe how fast those years go by,” my aunt said. “Try not to miss them, if you can help it.”-Katy Read

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3. Get busy! Find things to do today that will enrich, stimulate and empower you.  This allows you to stay mentally ready for life transitions while sharing it with your little one (s).

4. Never loose sight of yourself in the down time. There is no such thing as a Supermom, I know I play the part well, but seriously. Go for a ride. Lock the bathroom door, do whatever you need to do to protect your sanity. After all, as a sahm, you do not get a time clock, so punch out your own time to rejuvenate!


Have a great Friday -QC Supermom

Noah

Wednesday Wow: Thanksgiving Eve 2012

It’s 1:29 am………and I’m Still up counting my blessings!

Right now, it’s technically Thanksgiving Eve. Noah, my 5 month old is lying here with his mouth wide open while he is knocked out in my lap. So it seems most fitting to take a run for an almost Wordless Wednesday post.

Why almost you ask? Because I’m a blogger and that what we do. So grab a cup of green tea and get cozy!

My Wednesday Affirmation-

MASTER AFFIRMATION
“I deserve and now am thankful for all my blessings even those that don’t feel like blessings and I now find the lesson therein. I use my ‘so-called’
failures as wonderful, extraordinary fertilizer for my many successes. I am happy and fulfilled to the good of all parties concerned. Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

Now time to count my blessings, well most of them.

I have 9 children. 8 Living I love each and every one of them! Such amazing spirits in 
each of them! God must LOVE me!

My father showed me what to look for in a man, husband, father and friend! Who knew the same 2 would be the ones t drives me to my wits end!!

After all, every mom needs one great friend to share a bottle of wine with! Right?

GMO Free Food. I am so grateful to be able to share nutritious food with my family.

OK, Ok, OK, I’ve been slacking int his area HOWEVER, we are talking about things we are thankful for. I am thankful, for the ability to workout. I miss it so much and will get back to its on. In the mean time, I should get brownie points for ensuring my children gets plenty of it! I think SO!

to watch a great role model for my children, royal family that representing my country, and the president for the 47% & other 3 %.