Friday Four: Is Your Birthday December 25th?

A lot of people are gonna hate me for this one. Some businesses will too, but it must be said. Christmas is not your child’s birthday, why do you struggle over one day? It completely defeats the spirit of the season.xmas

I had great Christmas as a child. My parents got us something every year. Not huge things, like a car or the latest sneakers but nice gifts. I remember my ET doll, the handheld Nintendo games, the Pretty Cut and Grow doll and  as I got older,  cash. Now ask me about my birthdays and I’ll tell you how special I always felt that one week in October! I’m so grateful they kept it in perspective for us.

With kids, it can be tricky and sometimes pointless to explain your budget, goals and situation. But you gotta do it. I’ve seen first hand how the good intentions of parents and other loved ones can quickly go bad. …… Yeeees, I’ll explain why.

1. Parents are teaching their children to be materialistic. If you are gonna shop, buy something they really need. Something that will make them a better person spiritually, educationally, nutritionally, physically, financially or even environmentally.

Give, Me Give Me Give Me. I know a parent that has one child. The child does no work in school or at home but trust and believe, that child has over $1200 in Christmas gifts coming to him. I asked why would you spend that much on him and he’s not doing the basic chores of being a child and the dad said because he’s my only son. After that comment, I reached for my glass of tea, like Kermit.’

2. Parents borrowing money to buy expensive gifts.  Would you believe that some parents take out loans for Christmas shopping? Showing love should never be so crippling. Debt is a form of slavery you know. slave

3 Are you really gonna give someone else credit for putting that huge smile on your child’s face? (I can’t do it. I work waaaaay to hard for that to happen)

4. You’re lying to your child.  There is no Santa! It’s ok,  to teach your children that charity begins at home.

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Langston Paterson- from South L.A.

I already know that the in laws, aunts and uncles are gonna  buy them something.  When it happens, we will  graciously accept it. Then say, “I’m surprised by your present. We had agreed not to do this, so I don’t have one for you in return.” Thank you.”  Make sure not to buy the person a gift in return (until their birthday or if out and see something really affordable that hey need or like). Your word is your word; be true to it.

To me, Christmas is about spending quality time with my family, listening to the kids play and argue, cooking with my children and getting some extra sleep while the older kids and/ my husband take the smaller kids out.  All of the years that I spent buying Christmas gifts were not lost, it just took me time to evolve into appreciating time with my family as the most important gift that I could possibly receive and give them. (After loosing a daughter you realize that time is the most precious gift! )

It’s also about serving others in need. As a matter of fact, myself and a few awesome humans are going scarf bombing this weekend in a local park.  Wanna join us? CLICK HERE!111aaa

Happy Holidays everyone!

Jabela, QC Supermom

 

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Baba Doula

A few years ago I was surfing on Facebook. I came across a name that really intrigued me. It was a guy named Baba Doula!

He had the sweetest family and the most adorable little girl. So I felt comfortable approaching him. It did help that he was  socially conscious and  knew people in high places…..(and who doesn’t LOVE Ms Erykah She Ill Badu?)

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The name alone made me  search through his profile to learn more about him. I looked through pictures, comments on his timeline , and even his friend list to get a better sense what type of person he was. He checked out to be a really upstanding fella so I befriended him and quickly asked,  “What’s up with that name?  The conversation went like this:

ME: Morning Baba. Are you a doula? Your name is throwing me off.
Free em all! Lol… Allow me to try and explain Sis.
ME: Lol, I’m listening….
Did you see the post on my time line from 17 JAN about jailed father for daughters vaccination?

I didn’t  see it but I quickly went to find it. Some time later,  I engaged him again. This time it was to learn more about his passion for birthing, life and if possible, more about him as a husband.  So he shared: 

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I’m Baba Doula!  My nom de plume, my moniker, which like our child was conceived / created out of love. As you know, Baba means father and Doula is one who serves a woman doing childbirth. I am a husband, and a father to a darling little girl named Tsage. It never even occurred to me the all of the struggles a woman must go through before, during, and after childbirth. When we found out we were with child, I began reading, watching, and educating myself to the point of passing out and having nightmares literally. Prenatal DVDs, cooking fine cuisines, mediation, bonding, Bradley Method childbirth class. It was King Solomon who said, “There’s nothing new under the sun.” Old African birthing wisdom, such as squatting during labor, moving around freely, being able to eat and drink freely, and relaxing has been repackaged into an expensive birthing class. But thankfully, friends of ours donated half the money so we could take it. We also procured a doula to augment my own support during labor. Lastly, we hired a placenta encapsulation specialist to ensure a smooth postpartum transition. And although I am not the one who gives birth, my politics do, and is shaped from the reality by those who did, and those who continue to bring life into this world.
ME: You mentioned ” We have slight generational and culture parenting differences.” Everyone doesn’t agree with me…… But I’m curious…… what do you think is the biggest difference?
Months later I engaged him again. He then shared.
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I grew up in the 80’s and she grew up in the 90’s. James from Good Times was my “TV Dad.” While she had Bill Cosby. It wasn’t frowned upon to spank your child. Ash don’t believe in spanking, she hasn’t seen a House Party film either. So sweeping a broom over your foot, cutting the seat out of old panties, keeping a piece of salt pork on top of the Frigidaire as medicine, sayings like “don’t let the hide go with the tallow”, using a piece of straw broom as a tooth pick, etc. are all foreign to her.

Did you see the post on my time line from 17 JAN about jailed father for daughters vaccination? Yes? That was him 🙂

Baba is all man, but his foundation is reminiscent of mine. It wasn’t long ago that I stood up for all breastfeeding moms in the Charlotte Mecklenburg Public Library. He is the type of person I would send my mommy and daddy friends to when my husband is worn out from responding to parenting and social questions. Well, the good news is I persuaded him to increase his profound presence to the ones that need it the most!

Help me welcome BaBa Doula to QC Supermom!!! We are so happy to have his perspective in our pubic, liberal,  holistic,  community! Let the fun begin!2222

Baba is available for family centered product reviews, daddy consultations and even speaking events! Learn more about this cool cat on our page. Click HERE !

Thrilled from The Windy City to The Queen City,

Jabela

Friday Four: So why did I get married?

Today is my wedding anniversary! Whoot Whoot! Time for our our yearly review. Sounds weird to you? Hmm, if so think of it this way, today is for validating why we got married and it’s still worth it staying that way.

09.20.13 Perkins-Pressley Wedding

09.20.13 Perkins-Pressley Wedding Anniversary

Last week I asked myself do I really want to do a post called “Why did I get Married?” Then it hit me why not? My husband and I fight like siblings, make up like lovers and push each other like competitors and inspire each other as only true frienamies could do. We’re far from normal but we are so good together.

Rog “Mr Fix it”: 10 years my senior. Engineering student. 20 year Jack Of All Trades. (carpenter, mechanic & musician) Very neat and organized.”Universally Spiritual”. Super fit; athletic. Oldest of his 5 other siblings. Major Crap talker.

I SAY: (He wants me barefoot & pregnant in the kitchen)  

Hubby & FIL

Hubby & FIL

 

Me feeling bright and shiney

Me feeling bright and shiny

Kelle “Mama Of All Mamis”: Johnson & Wales graduate. Never lived on my own. Not Laura Ingles. Love being different. Used to be a gym rat.NEEDS ANOTHER MINI VAN!!!! 🙂

HE SAYS (She’s so spoiled. She thinks money grows on trees! )

We:   Were told to get a reality show FAST!  9 kids (8 living) busy household, enjoys open family discussions. Homeschooling, & the funniest thing ever is when we moved our entire household,washing machine, dressers, yard tools and all with one minivan.

First Attraction

We met in a night club!  Yup! I know what “they” say, but it’s true. He was skipping from the bar to dance floor. He wasn’t what I was used to,so I didn’t pay him much mind. But that Halley Berry Catsuit I had on some 15 years, 70 lbs ago hooked him.He wouldn’t let up for anything. Of course he didn’t get my number. I took his and played the waiting game for a few weeks.

I KNEW that I was committed to him when

Our savings got so low that he took a job that required him to leave out at 4 am and paid minimum wage. One day out on the town, with the kids, I seen an ex and he was doing well. Living Large Legally at that!!!! Sure I was tempted but it hit me “Girl, your man is out there working like a slave to provide, gone bout your business and cut “your own grass”! That was the smarted move I ever made. There has been countless times that he came through in action, proving that I married the right person for me – for life.

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Family.....Love.....the end.

Family…..Love…..the end.

One day he will realize that I, his Scorpio, baby girl, wife, mother of all his children, is always right, and that he should drool after every word that I speak. — sike—- I actually love that he has a strong mind. Him being a oldest child, veteran and leo has it’s perks. He’s a leader for sure. I admire that about him. BUT GOODNESS!!! We go at it! Sometimes it IS in front of the kids. Yes, that’s not good at all. When it happens we make up in front of them as well. (Did I just admit that you my 40 readers lol?)

The Best Song I think of dealing with him would be Jill Scott’s “I AM Not Afraid”

Ssssh!

There are parts of our life no one will ever know. Everything isn’t everyone business. Even as a blogger, there are just some things the public,including family and friend don’t need to know. HOWEVER, I gotta tell you about this awful storm back in 2004 or so. The power went out. We had no heat, or lights. The girls were 3 and 4. We knew that we had to do something quick to keep them warm and safe. We decided to take them to my aunt and uncles house in South Charlotte. When we got there neither of us want to leave the other in the cold house. So we left the girls, happy, warm, well cared for and left to face the cold house together. He hated that I was about to freeze with him. I hated the idea of him freezing alone.When we got back home we barricaded ourselfs in our bedroom with steam from our bathroom shower.

Visit  The Nest for more intimate resources.

What’s up for Review  us3-001

More “us” time. At times I wonder if we could be as content if the kids were not around. Our strong personalities clash like a brass cymbal at times but going to the car auction, grocery store and hospital for childbirth does not count. I guess we enjoy our own craziness.We get us, and that’s enough!  Lately we’ve tried to do better a couple of plays here and there. For them  and the hope of more to come is enough for now.

This Dr Lee says that he can help couples.

Till the next shopping trip with the hubby, I’m off to enjoy the day with my husband. ~The Queen City Supermom

Wednesday Wow: Your mom should have told you.

I follow the Mom Rules/Code to be the best mom I can be.  I'm not competing with anyone but myself.

I follow the Mom Rules/Code to be the best mom I can be. I’m not competing with anyone but myself.

Let’s talk about those  MOM Codes?

Is it just me or does it seem like mothers are not getting enough support? In a perfect world every mom has a mentor. Their mentor ensures that they follow the mom codes. What? You never heard of the mom codes?

Basically, it’s a bunch of unwritten rules that all moms, well most moms should follow to help get them through those trying mom child rearing times.  As they surly will come. Here is a few from the book. Feel free to share them and add your own.

Never under estimate the power of doing for others!

Never under estimate the power of doing for others!

-Have your own. Go ahead and be independent.As a parent, I want you be. By legal and ethical means of course.

-Have your own opinions and thoughts. Being a puppet is hard work.

-Never, “Throw the brick and hide your hand.” It could be the difference in a friend laughing with you and you loosing total respect.

-Let the kids go out to play AND resolve problems on their own. Now, with computers and TV, they lack the skills to communicate. They don’t know how to get past hurt feelings without telling the teacher and having her fix it. Parents stay out of it. (this goes for the small ones)Don't always be a consumer

-Always be grateful! People don’t like it when you start to smell yourself.

-Your words have power. Don’t be a fool and cross yourself up.

-Breastfeeding is normal! If you can do it. Don’t give it a second thought. It’s a miracle, liquid gold. Feed your child

-Value your time. If you don’t no one else will.

-Say what you mean and mean what you say.

-Volunteer! There is no other way to show thanks to God for giving you the ability to help others.

-Be able to say you’re sorry and mean it.

(I am on a roll huh?)

-How to handle gossip. Never take off your lip gloss for a toad.

-Learn a marketable craft and know how to get paid doing it. Jobs are NOT promised at birth.

-Dress for the weather. PLEASE!

-If you go to a funeral. Go to see other family and friends knowing that the spirit of the loved one has already left the body. After all, do you really want to remember them like that?

-Don’t bring men in and out of your child’s home like it’s a gym. That’s just tacky.

-Clean up after your self. May it be the social, business or spiritual.

Enjoy your children! Find fun ways to say I love having you as my child.

Enjoy your children! Find fun ways to say I love having you as my child.

-Learn how to prepare a healthy meal (or 5)!

-You can’t receive anything with a closed mind, hand or heart.

-Compassion is not a bad thing, but show too much too soon and people may take advantage of you…To be effective you must get in the habit of not always worrying about what other people are thinking of you. Be firm and clear about what you want then give them the opportunity to have their say.

-You have two ears and one mouth for a reason…

-Instill better manners than ‘please’, ‘thank you’ and ‘excuse me’ 

Look up when people enter the room. Go to the door when someone leaves. Well, that it for now.

You don’t poach another mom’s nanny.   • You don’t flirt with another mom’s husband.   • If you are driving your child and someone else’s child and you only have one booster seat, you give it to the other kid.   • And finally, you don’t give living things to other people’s children as birthday party favors.
You don’t poach another mom’s nanny.
• You don’t flirt with another mom’s husband.
• If you are driving your child and someone else’s child and you only have one booster seat, you give it to the other kid.
• And finally, you don’t give living things to other people’s children as birthday party favors.

 Till the next chapter, QC Supermom

Wednesday Wow! Being a SAHM

pinn teachus-001I am a proud mother of 9. Yes, I said NINE. Three short of a nice round dozen. I have been a stay/work at home mom for over ten years now, and have learn to enjoy every minute of it! I love, love, love being with my children and watching them grow every step of the way and I am constantly amazed at the things they do and say-and how quickly they learn. They are like sponges -and constantly absorb the world around them. Yet,

being a stay at home mom is anything but easy. I don’t try to have a perfectly clean house, ironed shirts, or gourmet meals. Walk into my house between 8-noon,you will see my 2 year old writing(on walls) or in front of the TV watching PBS or Nick Jr. You’ll see my 4 year old on his laptop or study book, the 5 year old inside his study book or other manipulatives, the teen girls engaged in their self guided assignments or at the library doing research. By 3, it’s free time till 5:30 dinner and bedtime by 9pm.

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 I have been told you have your hands full more times than I would like to have been. Well I do. I go to the market daily. Twice a week we go to story time,Kid Yoga & UNC Charlotte Early Educator learning stations at the library. The 1st Saturday of each month, we go to the Kids Workshop at Home Depot, on Thursdays we eat dinner at Earth Fare (kids eat free*)  and on Mondays, we are at Monkey Joes. Since I also home school, we do a science project every 3 weeks and the remainder off the week are intensive study days. Sundays I’m day off. My husband take over.

Motherhood is a full- time job.  I think the key is making sure you get some grownup talk and support routinely. I am a founding member of Queen City Stay At Home Moms, and it’s wonderful if I do say so myself. Since everyone there was on single income, most of the activities are affordable. Try to find something that you can do that’s just for you, and do it with out the kids. And last but not least, don’t forget to squeeze in a date night with the hubby every once in a while! 😉

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Hopefully, I’ve alleviated some fears of  becoming a productive Stay At Home Mom.  At the end of the day, if given the choice, stay at home!  The financial aspects of it have never been easy, but so far it’s worth all the conservative spending, home made veggie pizza, and the millions of educated play dates we’ve attended. Ultimately, it’s up to each family to decide what is right for them. Just make sure you have a good support group of friends, and try to enjoy every minute with your little ones. They grow up way too fast!

If you know a SAHM or dad, forward them this blog post and consider it a round of 

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applause for all they do. You deserve it!  Well, till the next “boo-boo”, take care,  QC Supermom

Friday Four: Moms fight homesickness for females ballers

 

Being homesick can change many things during a basketball season. If you went away to college far from home you probably have experienced a little homesickness. It’s quite normal and in my opinion nothing to be ashamed about! Arriving and living in a new culture for most people can be overwhelming and very difficult.

I did a little bit of research. Seems that it happens more often than people think. Sure most basketball players start playing in grade school way before college and they are used to being away from home. I have traveled to many of my sons games. I couldn’t afford to go everywhere they went but he was always with a familiar face. Now that he is in college a great distance away, I can’t help but think about him and other basketball players that attend school out of state.

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Psychology experts describe “homesickness” as “a longing for home while away from it,” and also call this feeling “separation anxiety.” Some people get over it quickly, while others take more time. It does not come easy to be thrust into a new college environment where you don’t know anyone.

As a mom I am so proud of my child. He is getting good grades and doing what he loves to do. When he left for school I suggested he hung pictures of our family and friends in his room and by using video services such as Skype and ooVoo to provide free online video chats. It has worked like a charm. But the basketball part is a different story.  I know that he thrives on connections, whether from me or others, on and off the court. A smiling face and atta boy goes a long way. So it was easy for me to focus on the UNCC Women’s basketball players.

They are someone’s child and could use a Atta girl while playing till they go home to their own mama’s.

I would like to see more moms in the stands. Imagine an entire section doing the wave and cheering funny chants. Can you imagine how bright their spirits would be to see more moms there?  Or better yet. How about an All Mom’s Shoot Out during half time? Cool right? We moms could show that we still have skills—– 🙂  They, the promotion team do stuff like that.

True, many people feel that female games are boring and not worth air time. But it has came a long way since the 1900’s. No bikini bodied baskets, but entertaining no less. All of the games we’ve been to this far had all types of promotions going on to get us there and surprises to keep us coming back. enhanced-buzz-homesick 2 enhanced-buzz-1902 homesick

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We found it to be very exciting. They played like girls, not boys and they should -after all they are females.

These ladies play a great game and what I love most about their games is the crowd engagement. They ask you to visit by their game.

Here are four links to check out this week end:

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1 Click here for Queen City Stay At Home Mom Game Night

2. Click here for UNCC’s Women’s page!

3. Click here for scholarship money

4. Click here for tips on playing successful ball

Homesickness affects the majority of students on campus at some point, whether they’re from out-of-state towns, or even just down I-5. For moms we can help them feel better while away from home.

Till the next bounce, Take care! – QC Sueprmom

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Meditation For Moms

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Mindcation are for all moms!!!!

Mothers everywhere share a common obstacle- finding time for themselves to relax. More often than not, we don’t get a daily stress-free break so we improvise and take so-called “breaks” whenever we can sneak one.

I learned to make the most of my daily routines and find my happy place in the least obvious places.

As much as the kids and I are on the go, doing so is a must. How do I do it. I MAKE time for mindcations! You should try it. It doesn’t take much time. The only rule is -no kids allowed. Meditation is the process of letting your thoughts go or letting your thoughts float around without substance so you can think about nothing if that works for you. Ideally, meditation is done without interruptions, but you’re a mom now, so interruptions are just part of life. Mindcations/ meditations are possible for any mom! No matter how busy you are. I have a menu of mindcation options. Maybe one will work for you.

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WASH! Think about it. Who doesn’t feel better after a shower? Exercise is good too. Better yet, go to a gym, it’s guilt free time well spent away from kids. I’m not scaring you yet am I? Sleeping…. we may not get much sleep, but you can add to the quality by purchasing a meditation CD or a CD containing relaxing music or soothing rhythms/nature sounds, and my best way to have a mindcation is with comforting smells.What works for you? meee

Friday Four: 4 Things Not to say to a SAHM in 2013

HELP! NEW STAY AT HOME MOM.BORED TO TEARS, GAINING WEIGHT, GETTING NOTHING DONE AND FEELING GUILTY AND SAD EVERYDAY 😦

Stay-at-home parenting is harder than I thought. Maybe it’s the fact that my child was colicky for the first six months of his life, and that even at eight months old, he—and, consequently, I—have yet to sleep through the night. Maybe it’s my own fault for setting unrealistic expectations for what sort of stay-at-home mom I would be: the kind who preserves her own produce, makes her own laundry soap, and still has time to put on makeup every morning.

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Bye-bye pearls and casseroles— “We are still reminded of the mom in the 1950s, Mrs. June Cleaver. The face of the stay-at-home mom has changed since the days of June Cleaver. Today’s Stay-at-Home Mom is sexy, nurturing, resourceful, fun, innovative and creative!

Forget everything you’ve heard about stay-at-home moms. A new generation is starting their own businesses, learning through educated play dates, and enjoying opportunities to help others all while enjoying motherhood.

1. Girl, I couldn’t do it! All them kids, whew! 
I surround myself with friends people like myself.When someone asks me what I do, I tell them I stay home with my children and I’m not in the least ashamed or embarrassed. I have learned that most people who don’t think much of stay-at-home moms (SAHM) don’t know what’s involved and how much a family benefits and appreciates what we do. I am raising healthy,loving, productive, beautiful and well educated citizens.kokok

2. Let’s go to the thrift store, it’s cheap. You can afford that it. 
Uurk! Hit the brakes! Sure, but let’s swing by the bank first. Being a great stay at home moms includes being resourceful. It’s not what we bring in, it’s more about how we spend it. I make most of my cleaners, crafts, birthday cakes, curtains,and gardening. But I also shop at the farmers markets, Micheals, Earth Fare, Forever 21, and other great value stores we choose. I personally prefer to wear clothes we have designed than to pay someone to market their design.Shopping the way we do has allowed us to keep our bills paid, have an emergency AND big ticket savings. So sure, let go, I’ve got my stash of coupons intow!.

3. You must never get time to yourself.

I don’t get nearly as much girl talk as I used to, but I know, as my children get older and more independent, there will be more time for me. As for keeping working girlfriends close – live your life, care for your family, and if these old friends want to keep in touch they will. You can offer a meeting, but don’t be surprised when you see less and less of most working friends. Just remember that the true friendships will last. Also I enjoy my stay at home moms group, Queen City SAHM’s, it’s a two’fer, a friendly outlet for myself and playtime for the kids. We go many places together, Usually we have my oldest. daughter keep the kids for a small fee.

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4. Can’t find a job huh? While that maybe true for some. Personally, I consider day care to be neglect and child abandonment.  There has been sufficient research over the years demonstrating the negative impact of day care on children. I decided to stay at home after our second daughter was born. My husband work and the hours from my job were just awful. I love that I get to stay at home and I can still use my two Johnson and Wales University degrees working as a product reviewer, blogger and cooking with with kids class instructor. Staying at home is so much more work than my job ever was but I wouldn’t change it for anything, even if I have to scrub that my sons walls my 3yo has marked up 4 times every day.

Having your infant or toddler at home being cared for by either a loving parent or grandparent is the ideal.  Whether that’s possible for you or not, it’s still the ideal.Till next time, QC Supermom.

koko clown

 

Friday Four: The Secret To Being A Super SAHM

You can be at home and be happy. The choice is yours…………

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I was the guest speaker at a WIC meeting  yesterday, and it was a success!

 I’m still honored yet humbled to be a part of that wonderful learning opportunity. 

 I announced it in Wednesday Wow post.  

Click here if you didn’t read it.- 

The breastfeeding peer counselors wanted to know how to better serve their clients. That means they are open to learn & listen. Our voices were heard! (thank you to all that shared) And we had fun! I even learned something new. Well four things.

1. I speak fast! (I knew that already though)

2.All breastfeeding peer counselors must have children be hold their position and must have breastfed her own children.

3.www.Zipmilk.com  ( a service of state breastfeeding coalitions, providing listings for breastfeeding resources based on ZIP code. ) It now available.

4.  When you decide to be a sahm,and breastfeed, you should not have  any regrets.

This could easily be the shortest post to date as my household is 85% under the weather. And I think from being puked, sneezed and grabbed on all night, I’m about ready for a nap also. This is mentally and physically DRAINING.

“Without counsel, plans go awry, but in the multitude of counselors they are established” (Prov. 15:22). In other words, there is wisdom in the counsel of many. Praying for wisdom in the midst of a difficult decision and seeking wise counsel is, well, wisdom. But ultimately you still have to make the decision yourself.

First make the decision- Any decision that you make causes a chain of events to happen.

Research shows that mothers earn 4 to 15 percent less than non-mothers with comparable jobs and qualifications, that as job candidates, mothers are perceived as less competent and committed than non-mothers. Not sure if those numbers are current, but I do know that business loves stability, motivation to do a good job, productivityand a strong appearance with communications. You will definitely need to upgrade skills.  So here’s what to do.

1.  Find support. A mom’s group that fit’s your needs.  The landscape of support, companionship and resources will amaze you.

2.  Think about pursuing your dreams while you’re home with the baby. Now is a great time to volunteer/practice in that field*.

“You won’t believe how fast those years go by,” my aunt said. “Try not to miss them, if you can help it.”-Katy Read

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3. Get busy! Find things to do today that will enrich, stimulate and empower you.  This allows you to stay mentally ready for life transitions while sharing it with your little one (s).

4. Never loose sight of yourself in the down time. There is no such thing as a Supermom, I know I play the part well, but seriously. Go for a ride. Lock the bathroom door, do whatever you need to do to protect your sanity. After all, as a sahm, you do not get a time clock, so punch out your own time to rejuvenate!


Have a great Friday -QC Supermom

Noah

Friday Four:Thanksgiving strategies for gratitude

Thanks Giving  as always is a great time to focus on being thankful. As the parents of 7 adolescents, my husband, Rag, and I generally alternate between pride and dismay at their behavior. Mostly we get to see the good stuff, I’m glad to say. But lately the scales have begun to tip toward disappointment in one area. Amen, 3 and TeHun, 2, seem to appreciate the big things we give them . But their day-to-day comments have started sounding increasingly demanding and — I hate to say it — entitled:

“Mom, I need my juice!

“Ewww, that looks disgu

sting. I’m not eating it.”

“I’m not going. You can’t make me.”

“NO! NO! Leave me alone!”

On the other hand, these might just be the lines of the treble two’s and his natural desire to test his ring pass not.

Adolescence on the other hand are certainly a crazy time for both parents and teenagers. But it doesn’t have to be unpleasant.

I don’t expect my younger sons to be selfless saints, but I’d like to see my daughters and older son to understand how fortunate they are and to recognize the contributions that other people (including Rag) make to their lives. We already say grace, albeit speedily, before meals. 

But  I’ve also been reminded that some gratitude interventions—practices that researchers design to increase gratitude in individuals—don’t always work for everyone.  In fact, several prominent gratitude studies have shown that for some people, consciously practicing gratitude (in certain prescribed ways) actually doesn’t make them feel more grateful. But I’ll venture forth to say that I want mine to practice it regularly.

If you have been imparting good values to your children they will stay with him for the rest of his life.  During adolescence, “(they) may have put them (your values) in cold storage……..but they’re there and they will reappear in time”..no worries for you. 

Children need to see us being grateful for what we have. Tell them, “I am so grateful to have you in my life.” If that is too corny for you, you can say, (when they come home from school), “It is good to see you.”Here are a few more tips that we use to teach our children the value of  gratefulness:

  • Let them see you saying thank you to the postman, the store clerk, and your friends.
  • Let them see you and your spouse thank each other. Thank your spouse for making dinner, for taking out the garbage, cleaning a clogged drain or for making the phone call to Aunt Ethel, something you really didn’t want to do.
  • Don’t complain about all the things you don’t have.
  • Enjoy the beauty around you and point it out to your children. Sunsets, the sun shining on the snow, laughing babies and blossoming trees.

Check out Madea’s best parenting clip.  (You’ll LOVE It!)                 Till next time! -QC Supermom