Friday Four:Thanksgiving strategies for gratitude

Thanks Giving  as always is a great time to focus on being thankful. As the parents of 7 adolescents, my husband, Rag, and I generally alternate between pride and dismay at their behavior. Mostly we get to see the good stuff, I’m glad to say. But lately the scales have begun to tip toward disappointment in one area. Amen, 3 and TeHun, 2, seem to appreciate the big things we give them . But their day-to-day comments have started sounding increasingly demanding and — I hate to say it — entitled:

“Mom, I need my juice!

“Ewww, that looks disgu

sting. I’m not eating it.”

“I’m not going. You can’t make me.”

“NO! NO! Leave me alone!”

On the other hand, these might just be the lines of the treble two’s and his natural desire to test his ring pass not.

Adolescence on the other hand are certainly a crazy time for both parents and teenagers. But it doesn’t have to be unpleasant.

I don’t expect my younger sons to be selfless saints, but I’d like to see my daughters and older son to understand how fortunate they are and to recognize the contributions that other people (including Rag) make to their lives. We already say grace, albeit speedily, before meals. 

But  I’ve also been reminded that some gratitude interventions—practices that researchers design to increase gratitude in individuals—don’t always work for everyone.  In fact, several prominent gratitude studies have shown that for some people, consciously practicing gratitude (in certain prescribed ways) actually doesn’t make them feel more grateful. But I’ll venture forth to say that I want mine to practice it regularly.

If you have been imparting good values to your children they will stay with him for the rest of his life.  During adolescence, “(they) may have put them (your values) in cold storage……..but they’re there and they will reappear in time”..no worries for you. 

Children need to see us being grateful for what we have. Tell them, “I am so grateful to have you in my life.” If that is too corny for you, you can say, (when they come home from school), “It is good to see you.”Here are a few more tips that we use to teach our children the value of  gratefulness:

  • Let them see you saying thank you to the postman, the store clerk, and your friends.
  • Let them see you and your spouse thank each other. Thank your spouse for making dinner, for taking out the garbage, cleaning a clogged drain or for making the phone call to Aunt Ethel, something you really didn’t want to do.
  • Don’t complain about all the things you don’t have.
  • Enjoy the beauty around you and point it out to your children. Sunsets, the sun shining on the snow, laughing babies and blossoming trees.

Check out Madea’s best parenting clip.  (You’ll LOVE It!)                 Till next time! -QC Supermom

Ten Lessons for Raising a Houseful of Successful Children from R.Rock

ImageWhat would you expect comedian Chris Rock’s mom to be like? Funny? Straight talking? Keeping it real? You’d be right on all three counts based on Rose Rock’s book: Ten Lessons for Raising a Houseful of Successful Children, written by Rose Rock with Valerie Graham. Mama Rock brings the experience that raising 10 children in addition to caring for 17 foster children gives you.
The result is a practical, easy to read book, that gives hands on advice that parents can begin to implement right now.

The advice given is stuff that we’ve all heard before, but that deserve repeating, for example the importance of family meals and following through with consequences when rules are broken. Also included are more controversial positions on parenting.

For example, Mama Rock feels it’s more important for you to be a parent than a friend to your child and that any weakness when it comes to that boundary is unhealthy. Also Mama Rock feels that parents should be straight forward when it comes to sex and sex education, even if this means arming our children with birth control. Mama Rock takes a pro-abstinence until you find “the one” position, but is realistic about the fact that kids still will have sex regardless.

What made the book unique was Rose Rock’s personal anecdotes that give the reader a glimpse into the Rock household. The Rock children also have anecdotes scattered along the side margins of the pages, showing just how well Mama Rock’s rules work in action.

What I really liked about the book was how it reminded me about how the small things make all the difference, like keeping simple family traditions or rituals. Mama Rock also tackles the race issue. While I don’t think it’s as simple to move ahead as a young person of color as Mama Rock implies, Mama Rock stresses the importance of parents in filling the huge gaps that schooling and society gives our children.

When we met her in Florence, SC., my daughters asked her if she acted like “Rochelle” in real life cause their mom does.  She  said no, but in the book, she clearly hints that she had a PLENTY  of  “Rochelle moments.”
I truly felt as though this book was  a fantastic check up for me.  I see a lot of myself in her & that’s  wonderful thing. ( She even said so)

Some atheist parents may feel put off at the spirituality chapter , which places a string emphasis on prayer, but even here , much of the information is really accessible and applicable to all, like treating people the way you want to be treated and the importance of charity, which doesn’t have to be about a higher power but just about being a good person.

Take a good week to read Mama Rock’s rules.So mamas and soon to be mamas, grab a seat, a pen and a paper and let mama rock tell it like it is.

Friday Four: Super Mom qualifications

That is one title that has been thrown around quite a bit!  So what is a supermom?   A popular term of uncertain origin for a woman who raises children, performs the household duties expected of a ‘housewife’, and has a full-time job. Is that you? Let’s see if you qualify. Can you answer I do this to each of the following questions?????

If you’re thinking right now “No, I’m not a Super-mom because…” and going into the past about something that you didn’t do “just right” or “perfectly,” or whatever, let that go, I’m gonna work with you sistah.

1. Comunicate with your children. You’d be suprise at what you both gain.

2. Seek wisdom from other moms that you admire and respect. Mine are all older with successful children.

3.  Allow your children to grow by providing opportunities outside of the norm. You will have well rounded kids for that.

4. Tell them that you LOVE them…….and mean it!

Of course there are more, but I am bound to stick to only four. Now if you need a good book to do more research on. I do strongly suggest that you pick up Rose Rocks’s Mama Rules. She is the mother of Chris Rock and has put together a very good read. I’m sure that you can find it in your local library or book store…..It’s Chris Rocks mama- you might be able to grab ir from his website. 🙂  OK, your are unoffically a Super Mom, and your badge is in the mail. 🙂

In closing, know that you are NOT alone! Motherhood shouldn’t be.

I welcome you to the beginning of the rest of your life as a Super-mom.

Namaste!!

QC Supermom Kelle- QC Super Mom