Wednesday Wow: Dear Mom of the “Potty Mouth Child.”

Dear mom of Little Jean, today I seen Little Jean cursing, yelling, arguing, ignoring his teacher, refusing requests, name-calling, hitting……

I know you think it’s cute and everything but, trust me, it’s gonna wear out really soon.

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Trust me. No one wants to be “that mom” who has….”that child” but how you train them makes a world of difference. Allowing “Lil Jean” to be snobby or disrespectful, or act like a brat is not cool.( I don’t care how cute you dress them up.) When mine try to waltz down that road, I nip it in the bud by creating innovative ways to help them solve their own problems more respectfully. Yes, I know that you can’t turn them into angels overnight,it take patience. Even if you haven’t been good at setting limits or teaching your child to be respectful along the way, understand that you can decide to parent differently right now.

Correcting is not conclusive to hitting, time out embarrassing. slapping, spanking, and even yelling. 

Amber Dusick summed it up best. See more of her work her.

I laugh at my girls often. After they get upset with me or their dad. I quickly say “I’m not your friend!” If you liked me all of the time, I’m not doing my job, It’s inevitable that at times our kids are going to be angry at us, and that we’re going to set some limits that they don’t like. But that’s okay—that just means we’re doing our job as a parents.

The goal is that you train your child to behave differently. Let’s face it, there’s nothing worse than going through life treating people badly—it won’t help your child function in the real world if she’s allowed to be rude and disrespectful. Kids have to get the message early.punched
Remember, the goal is for kids to be able to function in the real world and go on to be responsible adults who can live on their own. Or do you plan to have them live with you forever? Now is the time to train them as they should be as adults.

 

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If they don’t learn how to be respectful to others growing up, it’s much harder to learn as an adult. Change is hard but it can happen at any time. When you want things to be different, you just have to do some work.

 

I have listed some resources to use, otherwise there is no use for the post- right. Feel free to share it with other moms in need of a gentle reminder. Start with mine that I use with the boys:  I have them introduce themselves to new friends.  “Grandma, this is my friend Sid”, or “Ms. Edwards, I want you to meet my cousin .”

Ten Suggestions on How to Teach Your Children to Behave at Someone Else’s House

This is a great video with tips on how to encourage good behaviors

You gotta check this one out. She even has a fb page where she shares free resources!

Best of luck with that, QC Supermom

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The Golden Rules 101

disciplineI heard someone asked, “Are children bad mannered because of a lack of affection from parents?”  Her friend answered “No, kids are bad mannered because of lack of discipline and most parents that suck will say that they do discipline but the truth is that they waffle back and forth and scold there kids then feel bad about it and butter the kids up.”

I sort of agree with that,

WE HAVE A 2 YEAR OLD THAT ACTS LIKE HE GETS NO HOME TRAINING. HE LOVES TO YELL “NO!” AND DOES IT FROM THE BOTTOM OF HIS BELLY! (HOW EMBARRASSING) Our  NOW 4 YEAR OLD USED TO DO THE SAME. NOW HE’S A WHOLE LOT BETTER.

I do call kids out on their behavior though. In my home, if kids say things like, “I want a soda!” My response is, “I am sure what you meant was, ‘Mrs. Smith, may I have a soda

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Try to focus on how good the manners made someone else feel not just insisting your child parrot back the magic words

please?” They look at me dumbly for a moment and then they stammer out the phrase. And then we stumble through thank you and you are welcome. When I see kids treating wait staff poorly, I do the same thing. I also do it in front of their parents. 99% of the time the parents are embarrassed when I say, “Sam, please remember to say please and thank you to Lakesha. Mr. Perkins and I come here all the time and I don’t want them giving me a bad table because of you.” And please note, I speak up after multiple transgressions. I do not slam a 6 year old who forgets to say please because he is so excited about the movie he just saw. I speak up when a 10 year old acts like a jerk on many occasions and has never reigned themselves in.

Please, thank you and excuse me. 

Most times reminding our fellas to use magic words do work. Like any learned behavior, manners must be introduced as early as possible and reinforced consistently. In our home, if you can talk, you can use manners. We have them use them everywhere, especially at home, with each other, from us, parent on down; after all charity begins at home. Simple enough, but they will get it and learn about generosity, feelings, thankfulness and meaning.

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SENDING OUT GOOD KARMA WILL BENEFIT ALL ASPECTS OF YOUR CHILD’S LIFE. IF YOU CAN’T BE ANYTHING ELSE, BE NICE. IT WILL COME BACK TO THEM IN SO MANY POSITIVE WAYS.

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Here’s  two GREAT links to check out: Just click on it.

Etiquette Emergency for Bad-Mannered Kids

Setting Boundaries With Toddlers

THANK VERY MUCH FOR STOPPING by- QC Supermom

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Friday Four: 5 secrets to teaching kids manners

I’ve got another secret to share: Working on baby’s table manners is a stealthy way to boost learning. Forks, spoons, and cups are tools to help keep baby involved. In the process, your family’s traditions of sharing and connecting at the table will be gobbled up, along with the yummy foods you serve. Studies show that regular family meals teach social lessons about turn-taking, patience, and listening, boost positive feelings about food, and actually build better language skills!

Five Mealtime Tips For Baby:

  1. The earlier the better. Set her bouncy seat nearby, or hold her as you eat. As soon as she can sit in a highchair, give her a regular spot at the table.
  2. Know what’s normal. Some babies quickly master using utensils, others struggle for months. Some can sit for 30 minutes or more – others are done after five. Keep offering utensils and let baby work on his skills at his own pace. Exposure to utensils is more important than accuracy. Encourage progress, but have realistic expectations. This is a marathon, not a sprint!
  3. Set limits. At about 9-10 months, baby will start to challenge mealtime rules. Intentionally throwing food and other disruptive or defiant behavior at the table means her mealtime is over. Don’t scold – just take her down and say that she’s done. Try again at the next regularly scheduled snack or mealtime.
  4. Build body cues. Offer small portions, and DON’T make your child “clean his plate.” Help baby learn when he’s hungry and when he’s full by watching him, and commenting on what you see. “Wow, you ate a lot, and now you’ve stopped. I think your tummy is full.” This helps baby learn how his own body works.
  5. Try different tools. Some prefer chubby spoons, others love toddler forks. Explore your child’s preferences to help her make progress. 

Happy eating!- QC SuperMom

Teen Girls

Patience is such a wonderful word……….may I borrow some of yours? PLEASE???

This is what I’m learning  so far with my girls.

No two teens are alike.  They’re designed by God to be unique and dynamic.  Even two teens, under one roof, sharing the same mom and dad… will be radically different from each other!

There are external differences, of course… blue eyes versus brown.  But I’m talking about personalities.  What works for one teen won’t work for all the kids at home.  When one feels comfortable in a new situation, another might shy away from it.  One kid may explode in anger… the other might comply silently.

It’s important to know the differences in your kids… and adapt for each one.  You need to employ different techniques.  Ask questions… so you know how to tweak your parenting style to fit.

It’ll take a extra effort … but it’ll be worth it all!  Celebrate that no two teens are alike!

Clean Up Time

I did a little research, I’m not a helicopter mom or an attached parent.  

The term, “attachment parenting”, was conceived by pediatrician William Sears and his wife Martha, to describe a highly responsive, attentive style of caring for a child. Attachment parenting promotes physical and emotional closeness between parent and child through what the Sears refer to as the “Baby Bs.”

Helicopter parenting describes parents who hover over their children and become too involved in their lives, including interfering in college or career decisions later in life. Take the quiz!

I’ve never really fitted into any one box. EVER! I’ve even found a web page for “Mama Types” on the playground. None of these title work for me. Go figure!  I do know this that we’re all trying to figure this parenting thing out as we go, making mistakes along the way,protecting , loving our children more than life itself and sometimes wanting to strangle them.  In short I’m a MOM and  this is my most important role. If I fail at this, I fail at everything.”

Wiping off titles:

I’m still trying to figure this one out. But I’m totally spiritual. Not Islamic, Buddha,  Judaism, Christian* or any other of those monotheistic religions. (although I love GOD and actively attend and love my Methodist church family, teach children’s church and even assist with putting on service programs, etc )  I do have a relationship with God? My relationship is MINE. MINE, I tell ya. I study the Bible, pray*, attempt to  live according to the teachings of the Bible, give tithes and offerings, and try my best each and every day to be a good example of a follower of Jesus Christ. I selflessly give myself to the work of the ministry.As a mom, it’s important to me to teach and model in a way that says  there is a greater power and that power is the source of every and all things.

A chicken’s prayer doesn’t affect a hawk.

As a mother and  professional you learn to protect. Protect what you say, do, eat, think -consume. REMEMBER THAT MOMS! Always think twice and react once.

One does not use a sword to kill a snail.

The point to all of this sharing is simple. I’m just Kelle. What I shared last week was true Kelle. It’s something that I would have (and did) share with my 12,13 & 14 year old daughters. (maybe not so much with my mom or pastor-out of respect of course,may  God continue to rest their souls) I felt that the 31+ year old woman that I allowed in my home, pot, circle and heart betrayed me by sleeping with my son. I felt that it was very undignified and used by blog as a platform to express myself. Which wasn’t the best route. It was the most read post I ever had……I see why there are talk shows in long running, but it wasn’t the best platform for my ever inspiring, product reviewing, mom inspiring,community building  business space.

I’ve learned over the years to express myself, to be honest, not to be afraid of rejection – the perfect people will always stick around.

You can’t do it alone, you need a team. Find the best people and let go of the rest!

Thanks to my FRIEND Shannon and Sista’  Tip for SPEAKING from a place of courage and wisdom. I couldnt believe the gall of that “woman”. Through all of my thunderstorm and flashes, they were the voices of calm, saying “Kelle- think about your wonderful brand!”  I hope that I didn’t shock anyone to the point that you couldn’t relate and ran the other way. I enjoy sharing my lessons in motherhood and this too will be added to my list of stories to laugh about when he is married with kids.

Looking forward to more incredible times of sharing,encouragement  and growth- Thanks For Joining Me!

“This is my most important role. If I fail at this, I fail at everything.”

Friday 4: Why Should U Know Who Your Teenager’s Friends Are

Why You Should Know Who Your Teenager’s Friends Are

You may very well know some of your teenager’s friends already because they grew up together. But, as they grow into their teen years, most lose some of those friends and gain new ones to take their place. You might be wondering, at this point, if it’s worth getting to know their new friends or not. The answer to that is simple. You should. This blog has been a work in processfor over 2 months. I think you’ll find some great info inside.

The reason is because you don’t know what kinds of influences these new friends could be bringing into your own child’s life. This is not to say that all new friends will cause your family trouble though. This is why learning a little about their friends, is so important.

Your teen’s moods may change dramatically in a short period of time. If so, you may be quick to judge the new friends; when they may not be the problem. If you don’t know them very well then you aren’t able to accurately determine the reason those changes have taken place within your child. If you get to know them at least a little, you might be able to figure out where these changes in your child’s moods are coming from.

Don’t automatically accuse your teen’s friends. If you put the blame on them, without knowing them, your child may rebel even harder. Those problems could escalate to ones that could be harmful to your child or your family. Here are some dos and don’ts to keep in mind:

Don’t

Don’t jump on your teen and say, “You’ve changed so much since you made new friends. I think you should stop being friends with them.” Your teen is independent and quick to rebel. If she feels that you’re trying to control her life by telling her who she should be friends with; you’re only succeeding in pushing her away from you.

Do

Ask your teen if they want to invite their friends over to play video games or watch a movie or whatever. Show your child that you’re interested in getting to know who he/she hangs out with. By opening up yourself and your home to them, you’re showing your child that you’re not trying to control who their friends are; you just want to meet and greet.

Don’t

Don’t tell your teen that they will not see that new friend anymore and then expect that to work.

Do

If you know or suspect that the new friend will be a bad influence, then tell your teen that you don’t think it’s a good idea to hang out with them and then tell them why. Share what your thoughts and feelings are; what you’ve heard or seen. Your teen will ultimately have to come up with the decision to not hang out with them anymore- on their own. Forcing the issue will only cause them to want to see that person just to spite you.

Allowing your teen to bring their friends to your house serves another purpose as well. The new person can get to know you and your family. Your good habits and kind demeanor could rub off on them and they may not be as willing to go along on with any inappropriate activities that some of the other kids might want them to do.

Do what you can to discourage any relationships that you know to be unhealthy either because of drug or alcohol use. Again, don’t force it, but try to limit the amount of time they can spend together; or do whatever it takes to keep them apart. Just don’t try to control by flat out saying they can’t hang out with that person anymore, as it may back fire on you!

Getting to know your teen’s friends is important because you may be able to recognize a bad influence before they do. You might be able to determine that it may not be the new friend causing the mood changes in your child as well. It could be something else entirely, so you need to be able to know what’s going on in your child’s life to meet any troublesome challenges head on when they arise cause surly they will come!

Traveling Souls

Motherhood is wrapped in many cultural meanings. Birthing and nurturing new life physically has led to a conflation of “feminine,” “maternal,” and “feminine spirituality” in many cultures and religious traditions. Motherhood has been painted as a sacred and powerful spiritual path.  

One of the beliefs of the people of Ghana is that if the mother’s labor is difficult, she has done something wrong to a person and needs to go back to that person and make the problem right. Childbirth is the number one asset of womanhood in Ghana. Matter of fact it is believed that without birth womanhood is incomplete. Children are the parent’s old age security. Delivery is normally done in the home in the bathtub because it is easier to clean. The placenta is buried near the family house so that the child will not grow wayward. Forty days after delivery the child is deemed safe and then is named during a special ceremony.

But what about reincarnation?

The concept of reincarnation, that of an individual dying and then being reborn into another body,

The Hmong people believe that when a man dies he is reborn as a woman and when a woman dies she is reborn as a man. Every child is seen as a reincarnated soul. The Shaman puts the soul into the child after he is three days old and places a silver necklace around his neck to keep the soul from wandering. If the child dies before three days no funeral is planned because the child had no soul.

African religions believe reincarnation manifests itself only in humans, not so much in animals or things. African reincarnation is vastly different than that of Asian religions. Hinduism and other Eastern spiritual beliefs weigh heavily on the need to obtain redemption or salvation.  Hindu followers and others find the Western perspective problematic and unjust. Reincarnation, however, in Eastern traditions is based on morality, meaning a soul that has been reincarnated lives a life according to the way it lived its past lives. African reincarnation is based on the continuation of power through ancestry because in many beliefs, a soul is reincarnated into the same family.

Another scholar says that partial reincarnation is also prevalent in Africa, meaning that a part of a soul is reborn through features and personality traits of babies, while the other portion of the soul continues to live in a separate existence.

Now why would I be thinking about this topic??? It’s time to take a pregnancy test. 6 years ago, my oldest daughter past. We had a son. 2 years later, my mom past; we had another boy. About two years ago my grandfather died……and guess what? Yup, another one. Well, I just found out that one of my favorite aunts is in hospice………..we’ll see!