Friday Four: Boundaries 101

“Aww crap, I really don’t want to do that.”
“But If I say no, they won’t think I’m a nice person …”
“But I really don’t feel like doing this …”
“Damn it, I’ll just do it. Grr.”

What’s that? You too!

Your personal boundaries also define who you are as an individual.


Mothers are over committed in a lot of ways, and tend to feel more of a psychological burden when asked to do someone a favor. When the boundary is clearly and respected, you don’t need walls or electric fence. However, when the boundary is violated in order to do harm or take advantage, then you’ll likely need walls, gates and guards. I’m learning to grab my Home Depot card and just go get the supplies to build it myself.

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I have learned to go deeper with the meaning and understand that boundaries are an important part of self-love and not allowing others to treat you in a way that is not healthy for you and your life.  When boundary setting is not demonstrated for us as we grow up into “adult world”, the struggle to understand how to implement them can be difficult, and sometimes scary. Simply put, a boundary is a limit or space between you and the other person; a clear place where you begin and the other person ends.

I didn’t think I was good enough or lovable enough if I didn’t put the needs of others first.

This is why communicating your boundaries clearly is key. But what does — and doesn’t — this look like? It is our way of communicating to others that we have self-respect, self-worth, and will not allow others to define us.boundaries3

Here are signs you have not set personal boundaries as a mom.

1.Not speaking up when you have something to say.

2.Adopting another person’s beliefs or ideas so you are accepted/Acting against your integrity or values in order to please others.

3.Allowing people to say things to you or in front of you that ruffles you..

4. Allowing yourself to be interrupted or distracted to accommodate another person’s immediate wants or needs.(This works great for teens as well.)set_your_boundaries_tn-453250

Have you ever been around those people who drain you?  Who make you feel like it takes more effort to be around them than others?  Do you have friends who seem to rule your life, run over your thoughts and feelings?  Do you have family who come to visit and just don’t leave?  Well, looks like you might need to start setting some healthy boundaries…

It took me many years through this journey of life to learn how to set boundaries and even what the heck that meant. Think of a boundary as a shield of protection around you and one that will provide health and happiness, and I’m still fine tuning it. In my mom coaching practice, many of the women I work with struggle with one common theme: setting healthy boundaries. I witness this challenge pop up in all relationships. We experience this uncomfortable pattern until we heal the root cause of the behavior.

We’ll talk about protecting your boundaries next Friday! Have a great weekend!

Great images about boundaries!