Valentine’s Day Love for the domestically abused

Happy Valentines Day!   Kiss kiss and a punch can’t be fear

Let’s talk about red when its not fondly thought of. No one should live in fear of the person they love. I pick at my husband a lot. If he wakes me up too early in the morning, the next 60 minutes is bad for him.Everyone in a while he’ll say that I’m that aggressor and sure I know that he’s just kidding, but Sunday, I was reacquainted to an old family foe-domestic violence. Domestic violence and abuse can happen to anyone, it happened to my sister. This year instead of waiting on my husband to pamper me. We’ll be pampering a few abused moms at the shelter.Nothing heavy; just a smile, love packages, chit chat and our time.fight

Domestic abuse, also known as spousal abuse,occurs when one person in an intimate relationship or marriage tries to dominate and control the other person. Domestic abuse that includes physical violence is called domestic violence.

In college, my 6-8 brother in law was exposed as the abuser. I learned so much dealing with my sister in pursuit of getting her and my nieces out. I felt so much anger towards them both. Him for hurting my family and her for allowing it. My big sister was pretty, smart, employed and my role model. Over time and probing conversations and observations I picked up a few things. If your beloved

  •  Calls you names, insults you or puts you down
  • Prevents you from going to work or school
  • Stops you from seeing family members or friends
  • Tries to control how you spend money, where you go, what medicines you take or what you wear
  • Acts jealous or possessive or constantly accuses you of being unfaithful
  • Threatens you with violence or a weapon
  • Hits, kicks, shoves, slaps, chokes or otherwise hurts you, your children or your pets
  • Forces you to have sex or engage in sexual acts against your will
  • Blames you for his or her violent behavior or tells you that you deserve it
  • Portrays the violence as mutual and consensual

Then –

  •  threatens violence.
  • strikes again
  • apologizes, promises to change and offers gifts.
  • and the cycle repeats itself.

LEAVE!  Don’t wait!crusita 10

Pregnancy, children and domestic violence

Sometimes the violence begins — or increases — during pregnancy. Even if your child isn’t abused, simply witnessing domestic violence can be harmful. Children who grow up in abusive homes are more likely to be abused and have behavioral problems than are other children. As adults, they’re more likely to become abusers or think abuse is a normal part of a relationship. stop

The longer you stay in an abusive relationship, the greater the toll on your self-esteem. The only way to break the cycle is to take action.

Tell someone, a friend, loved one, health care provider or other close contact. At first, you may find it hard to talk about the abuse. But you’ll also likely feel relief and receive much-needed support. Today my sister is alive, happy, self sufficient and dating again. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Peace to all my abused moms. I pray your peace & strength…….QC Supermom

(And yes…although my husband isn’t abused, men do get abused too. )

Other resources: silence

Tyler Rose’s Rising

The National Domestic Violence Hotline

Valentine’s Day: Does ‘V’ Stand for Domestic Violence? The Cathy McNaughton Story

“If you have survived an abuser, and you tried to make things right… If you forgave, and you struggled, and even if the expression of your grief and your anger tumbled out at times in too much rage and too many words… If you spent years hanging on to the concepts of faith, hope, and love, even after you knew in your heart that those intangibles, upon which life is formed and sustained, would fail in the end… And especially, if you stood between your children – or anyone – and him, and took the physical, emotional, and spiritual pummeling in their stead, then you are a hero.”
― Jenna Brooks