Wednesday Wow: Sister SoulJah in the QC

Happy Black History Month people! My month of reflection began last week when Sister SoulJah visited the Beatties Ford Rd. library in Charlotte NC. It was like a dream come true. I now have one less thing to accomplish on my Bucket List!

I believe in divine interventions. I believe that you are where you are, sent elsewhere, drawn toward something or some one beyond your conscious efforts. It’s like the minute you intentional strive to be a certain way, your path opens up! The I decided that I would be the best mom I could be. So I sought support. I know I wanted  to connect with people who have taken various paths in life to become the incredible leaders they are today.  (In this video, it’s another great woman, Cheryl LittleJohn of Gastonnia)

During a recent visit to my local library, I seen a flyer saying Sister Souljah was coming to Charlotte for a book signing of her book The Coldest Winter Ever  (you can buy it on Amazon via the high light link)

This was perfect because I had just received her first book from my daughters. They found it in a bin at a local book store for free!

It’s called, No DISRESPECT.  It took me 3 weeks to read it. Not that it’s a hard read or anything, it’s just that I wanted to break it up in sections to use as a conversation piece while taking my girls to school across town in the mornings. It proved to be an asset. Our conversations were deeper. They opened up about the peers and day environment more easily. It’s because she is so relative, approachable, and in sync, I know her books will always  have a place within my family’s book shelf.

ss1

It was a honor to be in her presence with my teen daughters.  Sometimes when we tell our children things, they don’t always “get it!” Even if you experience it and crying your eyes out to warn them. But when it comes from another person. that speaks to them on their level. Spitting out a”  MF*”  here and there….. they tend to get it!

Here’s my short handed-cliff notes. I wrote them on the back of the paper I had signed for two mama friends. I wrote what she said. Do not let your child read it before you.

Sister SoulJahsister Soulajah.jpg

 

It’s been a long time. I haven’t wasted even a second. Been writing, editing, learning, teaching, and traveling the globe. This year, from 11/11 onward, is for the readers and book buyers. We will meet face to face. Share thoughts and converse meaningfully, and become better than we were before, each and all of us, InshaAllah.

If you want to sing your book and listen to her in person, meet her at her next book signing: click below!

http://www.sistersouljah.com/tour/

spacer.gif

Advertisements

Best Motherhood Advice Ever! (3 Part Series)

In attempts to share my pearls of motherhood wisdom, let me first say that I LOVE being a mom! I know that I’m a better person being one.

I only dreamed of having 2 children. So when I started multiplying.  I found myself quiet overwhelmed as I became we- OVER & Over Again. At that time, I was so ignorant. I thought more children meant more hair loss. More stretch marks, More runs to the local schools, increased living expenses. Less time for me…….and my husband.mynhitters

More children meant less money in my pocket. What I’ve found over the years is how to use what I have to handle my family needs. I ‘ve how to use my time and resources  wisely. I’ve gained a new perspective in life and have learned what is most important in life.

Thank God, with my age came wisdom. As becoming a mom overall has been a gift from above.

I was blessed with nine amazing miracles. I’ve learned that to be a parent is and should be a calling.

There is absolutely nothing as great, challenging, or rewarding as raising a child. These pointers, I hope to show parents that their role deserves reverence, respect and pride.

DSCF5158

 

1. I Am Your Mama, Not Your Friend

I never felt the need to be friends with my children—not when they were eight or ten. Not even when they were sixteen years old. My kids had their own friends and I had mine. I never set out to win any popularity contests on the home front. Like my mother, I know my kids don’t have to like me—neither do yours.

Every parent must have the courage to be in charge and to say no. You can have fun with your kids just like you can with a friend—we had plenty of fun—but you can’t be afraid to enforce the rules because you might lose your child’s affection. As parents, we have to protect our children. That is a job for a parent—not a friend.

  • Draw the Line to Win Respect. It’s never OK for your child to disrespect you in any way, at any time, for any reason. They need to know that up front.
  • Join the Congregation of Expectations. Setting your rule expectations is the most important thing you can do for your children. You must state clearly what you want. If we were going somewhere like Wal-Mart, I might say, “We are not buying today.” That way, the kids knew before we went into stores that toys and such would not be purchased. Don’t wait until you are in the store to announce this—if you do, you end up having to say no, repeatedly.
  • Don’t Just Set the Table: Set a Good Example. I know my children did not have to look at fictional heroes for good examples. A real-life hero sat at the head of the dinner table every night at our house. He was their father. His dedication and commitment to his family was a powerful model for all our children.
  • Pull Out That Can of Whup-Ass. Mwhup-ass expands far beyond just a physical punishment. It’s about whatever I can do to change a negative behavior. It is about taking something away from a child and how he feels about it. Most times, the anticipation of an open can of whup-ass is worse than the final punishment.

Remember, above all, the key thing you can do for your children is to spell out exactly what you expect from them. Don’t be all talk and no action—follow through on what you say and be a good role model to your children.

DSCF5172

2. No Child Really Wants to Be Left Alone

It is up to us to make our children feel protected and secure by creating structured boundaries. We need to let them know we care enough to set the rules. Children without rules may boast of being free from the “sissy” or “stupid” rules their friends have to follow. Yet, deep inside they long for some kind of structure and don’t want to be left alone.

  • More Structure=Better Discipline. My formula is simple: more structure for your kids creates less trouble and less need for discipline. Rules and routines help your kids know what to do without being told repeatedly.
  • Be The Boss. Single parents need to keep their family rule structure in place, especially if they suddenly become single. Step up to the game (especially if you are raising boys) to let them know the rules must continue to be followed. Impress on them that you still call the shots—yes, just you—because even alone, you remain the boss.
  • Be There BeCause You Care. All kids want to know they matter to someone. They want to know they are important to you by the way they are received when they need you. It would be wonderful if each child had at least one adult in his life who put him ahead of everything, who was madly in love with him; one person—a parent would be ideal—who lights up when he walks in the door.
  • Be Your Brother’s Keeper. When my cousins came in after a fight, he’d tell us what happened. Their dad would turn to the other brothers and ask them where they were when this was going down. If they were there, he’d ask what they did to help him in this fight. He felt strongly that no sibling should stand by while another was being hurt, threatened, or picked on. We stressed the importance of being responsible for each other.

    The best mother ever! My mom and daughter

    The best mother ever! My mom and daughter. I miss her so much.

*From the book Mama Rock’s Rules by Rose Rock with Valerie Graham. Copyright © 2009  Number of pages: 256, Price: $16.99. ISBN: 9780061536113; ISBN10: 0061536113

Happy Mother’s Day week! Celebrate with us on FaceBook!

QC Supermom

(Twitter too!)

Ten Lessons for Raising a Houseful of Successful Children from R.Rock

ImageWhat would you expect comedian Chris Rock’s mom to be like? Funny? Straight talking? Keeping it real? You’d be right on all three counts based on Rose Rock’s book: Ten Lessons for Raising a Houseful of Successful Children, written by Rose Rock with Valerie Graham. Mama Rock brings the experience that raising 10 children in addition to caring for 17 foster children gives you.
The result is a practical, easy to read book, that gives hands on advice that parents can begin to implement right now.

The advice given is stuff that we’ve all heard before, but that deserve repeating, for example the importance of family meals and following through with consequences when rules are broken. Also included are more controversial positions on parenting.

For example, Mama Rock feels it’s more important for you to be a parent than a friend to your child and that any weakness when it comes to that boundary is unhealthy. Also Mama Rock feels that parents should be straight forward when it comes to sex and sex education, even if this means arming our children with birth control. Mama Rock takes a pro-abstinence until you find “the one” position, but is realistic about the fact that kids still will have sex regardless.

What made the book unique was Rose Rock’s personal anecdotes that give the reader a glimpse into the Rock household. The Rock children also have anecdotes scattered along the side margins of the pages, showing just how well Mama Rock’s rules work in action.

What I really liked about the book was how it reminded me about how the small things make all the difference, like keeping simple family traditions or rituals. Mama Rock also tackles the race issue. While I don’t think it’s as simple to move ahead as a young person of color as Mama Rock implies, Mama Rock stresses the importance of parents in filling the huge gaps that schooling and society gives our children.

When we met her in Florence, SC., my daughters asked her if she acted like “Rochelle” in real life cause their mom does.  She  said no, but in the book, she clearly hints that she had a PLENTY  of  “Rochelle moments.”
I truly felt as though this book was  a fantastic check up for me.  I see a lot of myself in her & that’s  wonderful thing. ( She even said so)

Some atheist parents may feel put off at the spirituality chapter , which places a string emphasis on prayer, but even here , much of the information is really accessible and applicable to all, like treating people the way you want to be treated and the importance of charity, which doesn’t have to be about a higher power but just about being a good person.

Take a good week to read Mama Rock’s rules.So mamas and soon to be mamas, grab a seat, a pen and a paper and let mama rock tell it like it is.

Friday Four: Super Mom qualifications

That is one title that has been thrown around quite a bit!  So what is a supermom?   A popular term of uncertain origin for a woman who raises children, performs the household duties expected of a ‘housewife’, and has a full-time job. Is that you? Let’s see if you qualify. Can you answer I do this to each of the following questions?????

If you’re thinking right now “No, I’m not a Super-mom because…” and going into the past about something that you didn’t do “just right” or “perfectly,” or whatever, let that go, I’m gonna work with you sistah.

1. Comunicate with your children. You’d be suprise at what you both gain.

2. Seek wisdom from other moms that you admire and respect. Mine are all older with successful children.

3.  Allow your children to grow by providing opportunities outside of the norm. You will have well rounded kids for that.

4. Tell them that you LOVE them…….and mean it!

Of course there are more, but I am bound to stick to only four. Now if you need a good book to do more research on. I do strongly suggest that you pick up Rose Rocks’s Mama Rules. She is the mother of Chris Rock and has put together a very good read. I’m sure that you can find it in your local library or book store…..It’s Chris Rocks mama- you might be able to grab ir from his website. 🙂  OK, your are unoffically a Super Mom, and your badge is in the mail. 🙂

In closing, know that you are NOT alone! Motherhood shouldn’t be.

I welcome you to the beginning of the rest of your life as a Super-mom.

Namaste!!

QC Supermom Kelle- QC Super Mom