Friday Four: What NOT To Do To A Teen Mom

The memories! The moment I learned that I was pregnant, I wanted to find the largest container of orange juice and just die under a rock. From the time my little guy was born, I always felt that I had something to prove to him, our supporters,our small town, other teen moms, and myself.

100 Things You Should Never Say to a Teen Mom

Just In Case you cross this bridge, here’s 4 Things You Should Really NOT Do To a Teen Mom:

  1. Shame or Degrade her- This is number one for a reason. OMG! You have no clue how much damage this causes. When your own flesh and blood teases you, make you the family calamity, and under dog. Even worse when the fathers family and her community dishonors her. You are asking for a mess. A broken, lonely, lost mess. It’s like saying “You’ve passed the point of no return.” She may believe it. Speak blessings into her life.
  2. Discourage her- This birth has effected her life as well. Work with her. If you discover an opportunity for her, tell her about it. Babysit while she goes to school, work or appointments. Offer to do the child’s hair, help with a birthday party. Mentor and support her into a mom the baby can be proud of.
  3. Disown the unborn- Most times it’s the fathers family that snarls at a unplanned teenage pregnancy. For some reason, his family thinks the girl wants the family treasures. Well, guess what, sometimes it’s true. At this point. So what? You have the opportunity to  groom another family member to be a part of your family goals. That baby maybe the missing piece of your family vision toward greatness. Don’t kill your blessing. That’s what DNA testing is for.
  4. Expect her to forgive you after you’ve done ALL of the above.-  Something can’t be healed once destroyed. Words do hurt. Somethings you should just keep to yourself if it’s not going to help the situation. That mom may not bring it up, but she will remember. You can not get out what you don’t put in. This includes love, respect, and acknowledgement.

 

 

“Teen parents want to be acknowledged as contributing members of society, not as society’s ailment. Not only are we leaders, activists, business owners, educators and so much more, but we are also raising intelligent and curious children who go on to do great things!”
– Mariely Moronta-Santos, 27, a mom of three who lives in Brooklyn, New York, and became a mother at 16

“I wish society would look at us as mothers.”
– Caitlin Shay, 26, mother of two who lives in Apopka, Florida, and became a mother at 17

I have five more to go before I can claim a total win,but so far so good. It has not been easy. But Oh My, it’s been worth every one of the obstacles and setbacks.

Success IS Indeed the greatest revenge. It is true. I would put my neck on a chopping block to swear by it. As I sit back and think of the upcoming month, I can’t help but smile and try to contain my extreme excitement.  I know it’s nothing but grace and mercy, but My God, the favor that is upon me right now is what I’ve been waiting on. I have FOUR graduates busting caps and gowns this year!  Two of my daughters, my oldest son and my husband.  Can you believe that?

This teen mom, single mom, mother of nine, once displaced*, gal from South Carolina, has 8 remaining- healthy children and every last one of them are thriving! Being a teen mom is not the worst thing to happen. When it happens encourage her to accept the call of motherhood and be the best she can possibly be. That way everyone wins.

I’m so grateful for my parents. I KNOW that I disappointed them. I KNOW that they too were catching slack because of their baby girl getting pregnant as a teen. I know my sisters were tried after the town knew that I was giving up ‘my cookies’. I am sorry everyone. I hope my recent accomplishments say thank, I’m proud of. You’ve done a great job by the children, So glad you didn’t let us down. Because of you I am a doula, wedding officiant, homeschooler, brander ambassador, mom coach, Queen City Stay At Home Moms organizer, social activist, and wife.

Happy Friday,

Kelle

Benefits for Teen Mothers

The best way to help teen moms: treating pregnancy as more than a medical event

Wednesday Wow-Dear George, why?

(I previously published this but pulled it becuase the subject title was too strong. My sister called it “Wrong timing” with out reading it. Because I think this is a topic that is not addressed as much as it should be. I’ve changed the title. But the info is the same. So without any further delay, read it & let’s talk about it. )

I am so sad as I write this. I’m in such a place of disbelief.

georgehAs an adult you become somewhat numb to life events but what,better yet how are you suppose to react to the death of a dead beat father? How to you tell your child that the guy that gave your mom the sperm to help create you has transitioned?  Well, guess who has that honor of sharing the crappy news today?

My 1st child's father. George Conrad Harvin R.I.P. 5/19/13

My 1st child’s father.  R.I.P. 5/19/13

 

In my mind the two of them would get to a point where they would create a desirable relationship beyond ” Hello, what’s up and I heard that_____. or guess what, you have another sibling.”  As a young mom I told myself that I would prove to him that he made a mistake in not getting to know his son. He told me that he and his father had a awful relationship, I really hoped that he and my sons would be better. In spite of the money, our son would benefit greater from getting to know him. I did it. Thanks to my dad, his coaches, and my husband, so far he is doing well, but to tell you the truth, I have never felt so simple in my life. There was no point in thinking that way. I would rather he be alive and watch it for himself without any underlying agenda to throw it in his face. Because he wasn’t a mean guy. Just missing in action. Well, no need in delaying the inevitable, time to tell my son the news. Talk to you later.

You made me laugh.

We got pregnant,

then you

You made me cry,

because you walked away.

I laughed when he was born.

Laughed even louder after his succesful second year of college.

I smiled when he said the two of you talked yesterday.

Today, I cry when I heard that you died last night.

RIP- George

Thank you for my son,

Your 2nd baby mama, Kelle  

Absent dads, it is time to step up and be a active dad. Call your children and tell them sorry for being missing in action. Then actually stay around and be a positive force in their life. No one is promised tomorrow. -QC Supermom