Friday Four: What NOT To Do To A Teen Mom

The memories! The moment I learned that I was pregnant, I wanted to find the largest container of orange juice and just die under a rock. From the time my little guy was born, I always felt that I had something to prove to him, our supporters,our small town, other teen moms, and myself.

100 Things You Should Never Say to a Teen Mom

Just In Case you cross this bridge, here’s 4 Things You Should Really NOT Do To a Teen Mom:

  1. Shame or Degrade her- This is number one for a reason. OMG! You have no clue how much damage this causes. When your own flesh and blood teases you, make you the family calamity, and under dog. Even worse when the fathers family and her community dishonors her. You are asking for a mess. A broken, lonely, lost mess. It’s like saying “You’ve passed the point of no return.” She may believe it. Speak blessings into her life.
  2. Discourage her- This birth has effected her life as well. Work with her. If you discover an opportunity for her, tell her about it. Babysit while she goes to school, work or appointments. Offer to do the child’s hair, help with a birthday party. Mentor and support her into a mom the baby can be proud of.
  3. Disown the unborn- Most times it’s the fathers family that snarls at a unplanned teenage pregnancy. For some reason, his family thinks the girl wants the family treasures. Well, guess what, sometimes it’s true. At this point. So what? You have the opportunity to  groom another family member to be a part of your family goals. That baby maybe the missing piece of your family vision toward greatness. Don’t kill your blessing. That’s what DNA testing is for.
  4. Expect her to forgive you after you’ve done ALL of the above.-  Something can’t be healed once destroyed. Words do hurt. Somethings you should just keep to yourself if it’s not going to help the situation. That mom may not bring it up, but she will remember. You can not get out what you don’t put in. This includes love, respect, and acknowledgement.

 

 

“Teen parents want to be acknowledged as contributing members of society, not as society’s ailment. Not only are we leaders, activists, business owners, educators and so much more, but we are also raising intelligent and curious children who go on to do great things!”
– Mariely Moronta-Santos, 27, a mom of three who lives in Brooklyn, New York, and became a mother at 16

“I wish society would look at us as mothers.”
– Caitlin Shay, 26, mother of two who lives in Apopka, Florida, and became a mother at 17

I have five more to go before I can claim a total win,but so far so good. It has not been easy. But Oh My, it’s been worth every one of the obstacles and setbacks.

Success IS Indeed the greatest revenge. It is true. I would put my neck on a chopping block to swear by it. As I sit back and think of the upcoming month, I can’t help but smile and try to contain my extreme excitement.  I know it’s nothing but grace and mercy, but My God, the favor that is upon me right now is what I’ve been waiting on. I have FOUR graduates busting caps and gowns this year!  Two of my daughters, my oldest son and my husband.  Can you believe that?

This teen mom, single mom, mother of nine, once displaced*, gal from South Carolina, has 8 remaining- healthy children and every last one of them are thriving! Being a teen mom is not the worst thing to happen. When it happens encourage her to accept the call of motherhood and be the best she can possibly be. That way everyone wins.

I’m so grateful for my parents. I KNOW that I disappointed them. I KNOW that they too were catching slack because of their baby girl getting pregnant as a teen. I know my sisters were tried after the town knew that I was giving up ‘my cookies’. I am sorry everyone. I hope my recent accomplishments say thank, I’m proud of. You’ve done a great job by the children, So glad you didn’t let us down. Because of you I am a doula, wedding officiant, homeschooler, brander ambassador, mom coach, Queen City Stay At Home Moms organizer, social activist, and wife.

Happy Friday,

Kelle

Benefits for Teen Mothers

The best way to help teen moms: treating pregnancy as more than a medical event

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At Times Loves means Saying No and Meaning It!

If you raise your children to feel that they can accomplish any goal or task they decide upon, you will have succeeded as a parent and you will have given your children the greatest of all blessings. – Brian Tracy

My name is Kelle and I have created 9 people. I hug them, kiss them, let them sit on my lap, talk with them, and even share their pictures any chance I get.  But I’m NOT raising punk! I know people only change when they have to. If I don’t teach my children  how to love, fix their own mess and be responsible, they will have a hard time functioning as responsible independent adults. ps3

After I lost my 11yr old daughter to AIH in 2005, my motherhood goals awakened. I wanted to be the best mom I could be. If I could drive, bus, somewhere, my tribe is there. No Mother Wounds OR CockPit Parenting, just passionate motherhood. For example,let’s take the CEO of a fortune 500 company.That person spend hours learning the skills, they get up  each morning thinking of ways to improve the company. Every decision must be passed by and approved by this person.This person knows and cares for this business many times more than themselves. Well, I do all of that, but for my children AND my vested interest are humans.

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We may not be able to prepare the future for our children, but we can at least prepare our children for the future. – President Franklin D. Roosevelt

The wisdom and morals parents can pass on to their offspring is priceless.To be responsible adults when they get older, they can’t be responsible if we are still doing everything for them and won’t let them out of our sight. If you need guidance, see QCSUPERMOM. I would love to assist you with personlized parenting strategies!

 

To great parents, may we know them, Be them, Encourage them and Support them. ~   Kelle

AVOID CRIPPLING YOUR KIDS WITH KINDNESS

Read More On Mother Wounds

Great Parenting Quotes

Toxic Parenting  (Pleas eread this)

Children shouldn’t raise children. A BPD/NPD is often described as a child in an adult’s body. Emotionally and psychologically speaking, this is often true. These individuals can be incredibly immature and seem to be stuck at an early age of emotional development. Many of my clients who share a child with a BPD/NPD mother watch in amazement (and relief) as their children surpass their wives in emotional maturity, empathy and problem-solving skills.

Most things are good, and they are the strongest things; but there are evil things too, and you are not doing a child a favor by trying to shield him from reality. The important thing is to teach a child that good can always triumph over evil. – Walt Disney

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Do NOT Touch My Child! Child Abuse Prevention Month

The month of April is devoted to celebrating everything we can do to transform our community into a place that cares about – and actively supports — families and children. By ensuring that all parents in our community have access to quality childcare, affordable health services, parenting education resources, and substance abuse and mental health programs, we make progress toward what the month stands for: April is Child Abuse Prevention Month.

Here is a list of simple tips that can have a positive effect on the well-being and healthy development of children, families and communities. Print it out! . !

For your family:

  • As a parent, block out 15 minutes a day to play one-on-one with your child — doing anything he or she wants. We know from studies that the more parents engage in positive activities with their children, the less they use negative physical and psychological discipline.
  • Tell the children or youth in your life how much you care for them and appreciate them.All children deserve to have someone who is “crazy about them” and loves them unconditionally.
  • Work with the kids in your life to explore their heritage and learn their family’s story.Every family has a rich story to tell and our connections to our past help us carry forward our values and traditions.

chFor friends and neighbors:

  • Compliment a father — someone you know or even someone in public — on something positive you see him do with his children. Dads contribute uniquely to children’s development.
  • Offer your time to baby-sit for the child of a friend, neighbor or family member. All parents need help sometimes — even if it is just to rest or “recharge” for an hour or two.
  • Mentor a young dad you know in growing his relationship with his kids. Some young dads may need help with transportation or in identifying helpful resources for their children.Dads provide qualities and benefits for their children no one else can.
  • Support parents looking for a job by offering your professional knowledge and experience in resume writing or preparing for a job interview. Financial stability links directly with family stability and can have a big effect on the emotional well-being of caregivers and their children.
  • Encourage single mothers you know, whenever possible, to support the involvement of children’s fathers in their lives. When non-custodial dads work to be involved in the lives of their children, they need the positive support of the child’s other parent or caretaker to encourage the development of that relationship.
  • Build community trust and togetherness by inviting friends to participate in a meaningful cultural event in your life. Helping people learn about your culture may help them understand that despite some differences, we have a lot in common — especially the need for support now and then. See Queen City Stay At Home Moms
  • Arrange a potluck event in your neighborhood to get to know other parents and their kids. Friends and neighbors can give outstanding support to families in times of need or stress.

For your community:recoginizing-and-reporting-child-abuse-neglect-5-728.jpg

  • Sponsor, volunteer at or participate in a cultural event in your community. Families come from different cultural backgrounds that all bring value in creating caring and compassionate communities.
  • Do volunteer work for a youth- or family-serving organization in your community. Some families just need a little help from time to time, and community organizations are designed to do just that.
  • Take action on legislative issues that affect children and families. Call your elected representatives, join demonstrations and be sure always to vote to show that you support services to help families raise healthy children. (See Momsrising)
  • Introduce yourself to your neighbors. Caring and connected neighborhoods can be powerful in reducing neighborhood violence and supporting struggling parents.
  • Create a “Safe Children Zone” in your neighborhood. Host a community meeting with your neighbors to talk about what each of you can do to help create a sense of safety for the children in your neighborhood.
  • Volunteer at or donate resources to a local preschool or daycare center. Early education builds the foundation for a lifetime of healthy brain development.
  • Ask yours or another faith-based organization in your community about donations — even small ones — that can be made to support families in need. Some families need help providing for their children’s basic needs.
  • If you have reason to believe a child may be at risk of harm in their home, call your local child abuse hotline. Anyone who is worried about the well-being of a child can call to report their concerns.Individuals who report concerns have the right to receive a letter later to know what happened with the case.

To report concerns of child abuse or neglect, visit or call your county’s DSSChild Protective Services agency.

Call 911 in emergencies. (I’ve done it before. It’s okay and the child will thank you for it – later.)

Facts about Child Abuse

Tip Sheets for Parents and Caregivers

((photo credit for cover photo………not sure who created it. I found it on google images.))

Friday Four: Baby Sitter Money Tips

 

One of my  daughters is a private baby sitter.  She is CPR certified and has taken many continued education classes so she may remain in high demand. She’s a natural! As a big sister to five younger siblings, she’s able to baby sit for moms groups, business meetings, private parties, and now she now assistant other doulas while at the hospital serving laboring mothers.

tbsHaving a quality, trusted, babysitter is very rare. The process of finding one is a headache alone. But when you find one, many wonder, how will they pay for her.

And guess what? It’s only getting higher! While I don’t agree with that, I do believe that a great baby sitter is worth a good penny.

It costs to learn new skills,training, certifications, transportation to and from service locations and it’s also a symbol of  proper expectation.

My daughter charges up to  $12.00.per hour.  Her clients LOVE her. She brings toys, books, loads of energy , experience in autistic, multiples, and newborns. She also hires other teens like her to help as needed. Most people like her prices, everyone don’t. It’s usually the ones that want her, but can’t afford the rate. The comfort and well being of your child will always be your number one priority, but quality childcare doesn’t have to cost an arm and a leg. Follow these tips and find an option that works for your family.

  1. Share Your Sitter- If you are planing on hanging out with your friends, why not share the baby sitting cost. It does a couple of things. It gives the kids an instant play date, and saves each parent money.
  2. Barter- My daughter loves getting her nails done, nice shoes, and great food. If you have any of these things, ask to trade instead of using money. Teens like my daughter will accept. Just ask  first to verify it’s acceptable. With both the teen sitter  and her parents.

According to UrbanSitter’s 2014 Childcare Rate Survey of nine large metro areas, the average babysitter wage paid in New York City is$15.34 per hour while in Denver it’s $10.84 per hour

3. Join a progressive mom group. – Queen City Stay At Home Moms offers discount child

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care rates to their premium members.

4.Take The Credit.     If you use registered child care or pay a babysitter to care for your children, you can deduct at least a portion of your expenses for income tax purposes.

    • Expenses are deductible for the care of dependent children, under the age of 16.
    • Babysitters may be related to you (but not a parent to your child) and must be over 17 years of age.
    • The child care deduction is limited to two-thirds of earned income, or $4,000 a year per child aged seven to 16; $7,000 a year per child under seven years; and up to $10,000 a year for each disabled child.
    • For details of child care options in your area, contact your province’s child care licensing agency.

Bonus- Sign up for a Flexible Spending Account
If your employer offers this option, use your Flexible Spending Account (FSA) to set aside money for child care. You can include up to $5,000 before taxes

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In closing , be strategic! At The Big Sister, most families look for care during the summer. The more affordable and experienced caregivers get grabbed early and day care slots fill up quickly. Start your search soon and don’t wait until the last minute.Well, there you have it! You have no reason to avoid date night away from the house, a business meeting at home ,or a fun Moms Night Out! You can afford it!

PLEASE READ- From Care.Com- Great Area- Fee based Information! 

Wednesday Wow: 2016 NC Sheroes~”Moving Forward” Award Ceremony

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NC Sheroes Empower Other Women! 

“If I want to see change in this world, then I must be the change myself. If I want to empower and inspire women then I must be transparent and authentic in my own life.”

 

North Carolina have some amazing women. Behind them are equally amazing supporters like Momsrising, QueenCity Stay At Home Moms and the Charlotte Mecklenburg Public Library, offering support along the way.

On Saturday, April, 02, 2016, I had the honor of hosting the 2nd

#NCSHeroes Award Ceremony!

If I was stuck on a island, I would be happy for any of them to be there with me. It’s because of that impression, that I was thrilled to be the host of this positive day of celebration. I’m about to tell you about each of them, but first Momsrising has a message to share—–

Doula, Melody Gross, of Nefer Mut Birthing, -Birth On; You ROCK! She reminds me of my favorite doula quote-  “The way a woman gives birth can affect the whole of the rest of her life. How can that not matter? Unless the woman herself does not matter”” B. Beech and B. Phipps

Daniele A. PapaGeogiou, of W.I.N.G.S. HOMESCHOOL Group. It’s great to have such a resource among us to lead and guide us toward a rewarding stress free homeschooling life. ROCKSTAR!

Miss Cassandra Prressley of Cassie’s Sweetz. I only wish that I was that focused at 15 years old, -Little lady,you Rock!  Yummy! Look at her menu! It’s crazy! Cassie’s Sweetz

Award winning musical artist, Tawana Ross, of BedRock Gospel. Thank you for helping other find their Rock! If you want to really be inspired by her just enter #BedRockGospel She is AMAZING!

Race Car Driver, LeeAnn “CarChick” Shattuck of The Car Chick . When most women just want to put IN gas, this fierce woman is hitting the petal to the metal. AND  then telling us ladies how to get in the car of our dreams! Yes, Yes, She ROCKS!

Yogi, Asha Sims, of Ashakti Wellness, I took away many things from her. The most important one was  – well two- were 1.  You can work out from your seat and 2. Your mind must be protected.

Last but most least, the informative, Jennifer Tremblay of Empowering Health . She had the room smelling like a spa as everyone entered. She works with her daughter. Both are  graduates of the Institute for Integrative Nutrition and certified through the American Association of Drugless Practitioners.  Find out more about  them at http://www.BeReallyHealthy.com/

 

 

Our panel was so diverse and knowledgeable. Representing women from many walks of life including the automotive industry.and new this year, the teen Entrepreneur. Respectively, LeeAnn “CarChick” Shattuck , a race car driver as well as an automotive expert and Cassie Pressley of Cassie’s Sweetz. She’s a vegan baker that specializes in smash cakes, lactation cookies, raw cakes, and other clean treats.

We also received a nice chair yoga exercise from Asha Sims, of Ashakti Wellness.

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It was not your typical award ceremony, but what would you expect from a team of women planning it from the beginning to the very end. Thank you all to those who supported this celebration of Sheroes! Can’t wait to see you next year.

Here are more pictures from last Saturday.

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Next year, they will receive actual crowns! Which one of these do you like?crown Want to nominate your shero for next year? Be our guest? ( CLICK HERE For Entry Form)

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